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Hanging Out 4ever
We couldn’t find a therapist, so we started a podcast. After 7 years of dating we nearly came to a breaking point and decided it was time to try something new, to talk about our feelings and record them. Our podcast is not the highlight reel of our relationship, it is our relationship, as authentic as possible. Dating and long term relationships can be difficult. Especially, when the internet seems so focused on only happy moments. We share our truth and hope it resonates with you and makes you feel less alone in the dating/ Long Term Relationship world.
Let's all figure this dating thing out together.✨
-Aja & Grant
WATCH US ON YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HangingOut4ever
Hanging Out 4ever
My Husband Doesn't Care if I Die | Listener Letters
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Wake up, go on your lunch break or get off the phone because new ‘Bestie Mail’ has been delivered 💌 !
and theres a BIG DILEMMA about pregnancy and childbirth that we NEED to talk about
Theres a lot to unpack, grab a glass of wine, put on a robe and put on a facemask. We gotta help these people out.
Here what we jump into today:
- My Girlfriend Cheated on Me
- My Husband Doesnt Care if I Die
- WIBTA if I Cut My Sister Out of My Life
Here are some highlights and thoughts out of context:
If more women knew about the perils of pregnancy less woman would do it without first educating themselves.
Cheating is never a mistake!
People who abuse children DO NOT CHANGE
Thank you to the Besties who wrote in and were vulnerable enough to share their stories.
To submit your own listener letters, click here.
Apply to be on our dating show, click here.
P.S LET US KNOW HOW YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS HIDING SOMETHING SUSS!👀
If you wanna watch our live reactions to this episode (which you should 👀), catch us on YouTube!
Besties, let us know what y'all think on this one!
-Grant & Aja
I learned two very important things when I was pregnant. It absolutely fing sucks. And the time you spend pregnant will reveal to you exactly what kind of man your husband truly is.
SPEAKER_03The one thing that is holding us back from pregnancy is you putting your body and your health at risk.
SPEAKER_01I would never get with a man who's like, yeah, I've cheated in every relationship. You're the first woman I'm loyal to. That is not a compliment.
SPEAKER_03You know, a husband should protect his wife. That's like a part of the job. And he's putting you in harm's way.
SPEAKER_01I feel like my husband doesn't care if I die. What's up, y'all? Welcome to another episode of the Hanging Out Forever podcast. I am your host, Asia Corinne. I'm here with my wonderful love of my life. We don't know how long we've been together because it's been such an awesome time.
SPEAKER_03It's around nine years, something like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Grant Blackwell.
SPEAKER_01Grant Blackwell. And we have another listener letter episode for y'all. We know that y'all love them. We do it twice a month. We're back on schedule, babies. So we are finna get into this listener letter episode.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And as per usual, with these letters, I skim them to make sure that they're like legible, readable, to make sure they make sense. I don't do a deep dive. I just kind of sometimes I throw it in chat and I'll be like, give me the spark notes to this story. Is it worth the read? Chat will be like, yes or no. I'll be like, cool. And then I'll read it. And then Grant is going in totally blind. He's flying.
SPEAKER_03Completely blind, guys. So I'm right there with you guys, uh, per usual. So we're going into this blind together.
SPEAKER_01Yep. And we're finna get started. But the first thing I want to say, and I've had this on my mind for the last few days, it's kind of a hot take. Okay. But the take is if you are a man and you see a woman out with her friends and you want to hit on her, it is rude for you to not also cover some portion of the bill. Because we're out at dinner having a good time. Maybe the bill's $100, $150, right? But now you're taking away time from me and my homegirl. And then I'm having to compensate for the time that you took. You need to buy the friendic drink.
SPEAKER_02Get the friend to drink. The friend and drink, maybe get an appetizer for the group.
SPEAKER_01Take care of something on the bill. Don't just stand there and waste my time. It is. And it drives me crazy when I, because I have this one homegirl, very beautiful. Every time we go out, she gets hit on, which is only annoying because it's like these men are just hitting on her for sport. Like provide use, value, you know what I mean? Like take care of some portion of the check. I don't feel like that's that big of an ass. Because the way it just looks so good. Like if you're gonna, especially if it's just two girls, right? Yeah, if it's two girls. Me and my home girl and she gets hit on, it becomes an awkward thing because now this guy is like eating up all her time and she's talking to him. And I'm just sitting there, awkward as hell. If a man is gonna hit on a woman and she's with her friend, he should offer to buy both of them a drink if he's gonna offer to buy her one. Because it's like, oh, uh, what are you drinking? Let me get you both a drink. First of all, it's classy.
SPEAKER_02It's classy.
SPEAKER_01Second, you're already taking into account that the friend is physically there. There's nothing worse than being a friend who's now become a third wheel to a thing that you didn't even want to be a third wheel to. You went on a date with your homegirl. Now it's become a three-way thing with some guy who won't shut up and he's not even providing any value or a discount to the check. So if you're a man and you're hitting on a woman and you want to throw your shot at her and she's with a bunch of friends, take care of an appetizer. Maybe buy a round of drinks. No more than three friends. That'd be a crazy ass.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, it's classy, first off, and it's a good look for the possible long run where if you do start dating that woman that you met, friend already likes you.
SPEAKER_01Friend already likes you because you're already in a good place. I just think it's tacky. And then also it's just, it's just tacky.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01Don't talk to me. Do not, even when men hit on me at dinner, don't talk to me unless you're gonna take care of something on my check. Like you're hitting on me for free. I spent, I'm trying to have like a nice solo dinner, and here a man comes trying to talk to me. First of all, I'm unavailable and I don't want to talk to them anyway. But some men don't get that hint. So if you're gonna continue yapping my ear off, you need to start discounting this check, okay? Take my apps off. Take off every round of drinks that I got. That's on you.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01I'm just saying, if you're gonna, if you're gonna take my time, you need to buy my time. Yeah. Stranger.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02All right.
SPEAKER_01Hot take. Hot takes let the dragging from the broke men commence, but the girlies get what I'm saying. Here we go.
SPEAKER_03All right, let's dive in. We're finna get into these little theme overall. Because sometimes there's a theme.
SPEAKER_01I mean family. They're they're all kind of dealing with family.
SPEAKER_03Okay, gotcha.
SPEAKER_01The theme is family.
SPEAKER_03The theme is family.
SPEAKER_01Here we go. I'm heartbroken, depressed, and devastated, and I would appreciate it if you guys could help me share my story. I dated a lady for almost a year and loved her sincerely. Throughout the relationship, I supported her with what little I had. There were constant requests for money, food, airtime. What is airtime? Like planes.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Oh, not sure.
SPEAKER_01Uh money, food, airtime, transportation, gas, pads.
SPEAKER_03Must be air, like flight.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Pads, like sanitary pads, okay, and other expenses. And I did my best because I genuinely cared about her. Over time, I begame I began to notice troubling signs. She would delete our chats, hide things from me, and refuse to give me the same transparency she expected from me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01When I expressed my concerns, she would get angry, gaslight me, call me toxic and insecure, but later would apologize, promise to change, and I would forgive her because I believed in the relationship. Eventually, I discovered that while assuring me of her loyalty, she was cheating on me with another man. The truth shattered me. What hurt the most was not just the betrayal, but the fact that I had repeatedly asked her to be honest with me. Oh, poor girl. That if she no longer wanted the relationship, then she could tell me. Instead, I was kept emotionally attached while another relationship was going on behind my back. The emotional impact was severe. I became depressed, started drinking despite never being a drinker, and eventually ended up in the hospital because of the emotional stress and heartbreak. That's pretty extreme.
SPEAKER_03That's a little extreme.
SPEAKER_01Do you know that after finding out she was cheating all the while, she blocked me everywhere? And I was even still the one begging to have her back. I had to I had to reach out to her brother and he spoke to her on my behalf and she eventually unblocked me. Funny enough, this girl had the nerve to come back and start asking me again for financial help. Today, she's still trying to come back into my life saying she feels guilty, ashamed of herself of herself, saying she feels guilty, ashamed of herself, and wants another chance. But the pain, disappointment, and emotional damage remain. I can accept her in my life just for fun, like for sex fun, I guess. Yeah. But I can't do that to her because I don't do to people what I wouldn't want done to me. Yeah. My reason for sharing this story is not to seek pity or anything, it's to simply remind people that honesty matters. And if you no longer love someone, tell them if you want to leave, leave. Don't keep someone emotionally invested while giving your attention to someone else. Heartbreak is real. Some people carry the scars for years and others never recover. Let's be mindful of how we treat those who genuinely love us. That was sweet. I feel like we never get listener letters from men. I guess we do.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's typically women.
SPEAKER_01It is typically women. Wow, that was really sweet.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I love when it's men, though, because it's good to see men reaching out for advice or trying to get somebody's opinion on the situation. Usually men will just bottle that up and just live with that. But this situation um was interesting because you know, she showed her true colors by cheating on him, but then she really showed her true colors by coming back, being like, Oh, but you can you still help me financially?
SPEAKER_01Can we get back together and you can help me again?
SPEAKER_03It's like, okay, so you just see me as an ATM. Oh got it.
SPEAKER_01That's so sad. And it sounds like he really did his best. You know, he literally says, I dated her for almost a year and loved her sincerely. Yeah. And I supported her with what little I had. I will say that dating somebody for less than a year and supporting them financially to me is a no-go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like, I don't think that that's a good idea. It depends on how much funds you have. Like, obviously, if you're balling out of control, then it's really probably inconsequential. But if you already are working with limited resources, I don't find it very financially feasible or intelligent to then spend that money on somebody that essentially you just met. Because a lot of people are like, oh my God, we've been dating for so long. Well, how long have you been dating? A year. A year is not that long, boo-boo. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you're setting the foundation of expectation. She's gonna expect that ongoing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think that's that's very fast. To be able to date somebody who within the first year is asking you for money and food and gas and transportation and female sanitary objects, like pads and tampons.
SPEAKER_03No, he threw that, he had to throw that in there.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean that's good, that's good context because like who can't afford their own pads?
SPEAKER_03I know.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I get it. There actually are people who are in poverty who have a hard time buying sanitary napkins. But the point is, is like you're you're asking for all of these things, and then on top of that, you can't even support your own menstruation. Like, you're asking him specifically to buy you pads.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, does she was she not working or anything? I don't know. He didn't say he didn't specify that.
SPEAKER_01I think that, like, you know, that's rough. I will say you should be buying your own pads. Not because men should not buy pads, but because, like, if he's taking care of all these things, the least you could do is buy your tampons, babe. And there's, you know, there's tampons and all kinds of stuff at the dollar store, the dollar tree. And if you don't want to wear tampons and pads, put a diaper on. Diapers are the new wave of women on their menstrual cycles.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So well, I think you nailed it on like having her rely on him financially so early on in the relationship is a red flag. It's not a good move. Yeah. And it's it's a huge red flag if she's asking for that. Like it's versus him providing it. Yeah, if he provided it or brought to her, like, hey, I'd like to take care of you. That's different than her being like, Hey, I need help, like, help me out. Because then it just shows what her true intentions were that entire time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And um, yeah, it just it doesn't seem like she was, you know, as into it as you were if she was just asking for money and then all of a sudden now she's going outside of the relationship. She didn't, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it's really sad also because he asked her to be clear with him.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I do agree that if you're not into somebody, then you should leave them. There are a lot of people who lead on relationships because they're waiting for a second option or a second wind with somebody else. And that is so unfair because there's so much emotional and mental investment that goes into building something intentional with somebody. So to think that you're building something valuable just for that other person to be treating you like an option and you have no idea is really heartbreaking.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think going to the hospital after less than a year dating somebody is it's it's emotionally extreme. Like I think that maybe we should figure out some regulation for you. Like perhaps you should get counseling. I do find that to be an extreme reaction for only having dated somebody for one year. That being said, there not every relationship is the same. And there are a lot of relationships that take a greater emotional toll on others, seems like he was putting a lot into the relationship too.
SPEAKER_03Like he was he was putting in a lot financially, obviously, yeah, but emotionally as well, you know, trying to be as transparent as possible with her so they can communicate properly, which is the way to go. Right. You know, but also if you're already having doubts or you're seeing signs of like, why is she deleting the text messages or text message threads? Why is she doing this? Why is she doing that? If you already have all these questions in the first year, then there's usually gonna there's something up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know what I mean? And you should go with your gut and you should go.
SPEAKER_01You should go. And another thing I want to touch on that we've touched on, I think, in the last three episodes, is if somebody cheats on you, skedaddle. Yeah, get up out of there. Do not there's no second chances for cheaters. Maybe there are certain circumstances.
SPEAKER_03I wouldn't even keep them, I wouldn't even keep them around for fun either. Because he said that he's like, you know, debating about keeping her in his life still just for fun or whatever. Yeah, I wouldn't even do that because that could progress, that could grow, you could forget things from your past. Like, do not even go down that road. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01If I cheated on you, would you forgive me?
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_03Because, like, after all this time, after everything we've invested, you would really step out and do something like that. That'd be terrible. That'd be that would crush everything that we've built.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. If you cheated on me, I've already said it, I'd ruin your life.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01But you know, my mantra is y'all, when people oh, is Grant gonna cheat on you? Are you worried about Grant cheating on you? What if Grant cheats on you? If he wanna be a dog, he could bark. That is my line. I don't care. Like if you cheated on me, would I be messed up from it? Yeah. But at the end of the day, if you want to be a dog, I can trust you to do what dogs do, and that's bark.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna put that on a t-shirt.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_01I'll let you guys buy that merch. If he wanna be a dog, he could bark.
SPEAKER_03That's funny.
SPEAKER_01I know I came up with that. You're welcome, besties. Okay. Yeah, just never take somebody back that's cheating. I do believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is circumstantial. I will say that. Yeah, but I will say that's the end of a relationship. On average, I do not think that you should take a cheater back.
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_01No. And people in our comments are like, well, people change. People who abuse children do not change. People who physically abuse people do not change. And I just don't think that cheaters change. Serial cheaters, maybe cheated one time.
SPEAKER_03Oops. Serial cheaters don't change.
SPEAKER_01But if you're a serial cheater, no, to the garbage with you.
SPEAKER_03They don't change, or they like it's almost like a thing in their brain. It's almost like an addictive personality where if they don't go to having sex with another person, it might they might go to something else to fit that addiction.
SPEAKER_01I just couldn't be with somebody like it would be difficult for me to be with somebody that was in a very serious relationship and cheated on their partner because I would never be able to let my guard down around that person. Yeah. And then also beyond that, I just think that people who cheat have a hunter mentality and they're not, they're just they're never gonna find anything that fills that void. I just don't trust.
SPEAKER_03I just Well, men who cheat are always the types of guys that say, you know, men and women's brains are wired differently. We're more uh uh animalistic, or we're we have to take on multiple partners. Yeah, we need options, and that's just how our brains work, you know, evolution. It's like, dude, shut up. You are not a biologist, you you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Shut up.
SPEAKER_01And there's plenty of animals in the animal kingdom that literally mate for life, so and it's a lot of mammals too. You know, these men are comparing themselves to things that aren't even mammals.
SPEAKER_03It's a societal norm for a reason.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, monogamy is a societal norm for a fucking reason.
SPEAKER_01Something I want to say about being with a cheater is I would have a really difficult time being with a man that I knew cheated in the past because I just don't really fully believe that that's a pattern that you can break. Maybe in one relationship you cheated, right? But I would never get with a man who's like, yeah, I've cheated in every relationship. You're the first woman I'm loyal to. That is not a compliment.
SPEAKER_03I know that is not a compliment.
SPEAKER_01Being the first woman a man is loyal to is not a compliment. Like, I'm I'm the training wheels. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'm your training wheels for loyalty. You've never ridden a bike, Roden. Roden?
SPEAKER_02Ridden?
SPEAKER_01You've never ridden a bike before. You know what I mean? So, like now your test for loyalty is me, and I have to trust that you'll be loyal to me when you've already expressed that you've never been loyal before. I think that there's a lot of men who position cheating and loyalty as if it's some sort of trophy that women should aspire to um being granted or awarded because they'll be like, you're the first woman I've been loyal to. Ewwah!
SPEAKER_03I know it's like, dude, that is terrible. Not a good compliment. It's not a compliment.
SPEAKER_01That's a red flag. Like, do not, I mean, tell me so I know to run for the fucking hills. But at the same time, I think that there's so many people who have this ideology of like, I'm so special. I'm the first woman he's never cheated on yet.
SPEAKER_03Well, even the guys who bring it up and like are constant constantly talking about what they've done in the past, like, oh, I cheated or I did this. It's you've said this before. It's like they're preparing you. Yeah. Of like they're setting your well, if I do it in the future, at least I admitted it. You know, at least I admitted that that's who I am. Yeah, you know who I am.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so they yeah, they think that they get like a pat, they should get a pat on the back for admitting their past.
SPEAKER_01I know a lot of men who lay it out on the table. I've been to jail, I've stolen money, I've committed credit card fraud, I've cheated on every partner I've ever with, but you girl, you're different. They're only telling you that so that when it happens to you, you're not surprised.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they're preparing you for your future. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So anyway, take cheaters and drop them in the ocean, throw them off the Mariana trench or whatever. Our next listener letter. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna preface this. Okay. This is gonna hit you pretty hard because Grant and I have been having very serious conversations recently about having kids. Yeah. And I was actually, I've been, you know, we've been talking about surrogacy and whether or not we would give like birth naturally via my body. I've never wanted to be pregnant, I've never wanted to carry children. No. I don't even know if I've really ever wanted to be a mom. I don't know if the if I have the capacity for it. But if you want kids, I would I'm I'm open to it. I feel like we would be amazing parents. Do I want a child enough to be a parent on my own? No, absolutely not. But I'm open to like having kids with you. If that's something that you want to do, I want to do it with you. Yeah. So we've been talking a lot about surrogacy, and I already know what type of partner you would be in pregnancy, but this is something that I felt was very eye-opening.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01And sad.
SPEAKER_02Got it.
SPEAKER_01Okay. I feel like my husband doesn't care if I die.
SPEAKER_02Damn.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Hey everyone. I was inspired to share my story because I saw your listener letter a while ago about the woman who regretted becoming a mom. And even though I love being a mom, I felt like my story was very similar. So I wanted to share. So I, 36F, and my husband, 36, have two kids. They are my entire world. I would do anything for them. But pregnancy was very, very hard on me. I always thought that pregnancy would be bliss, but I learned two very important things when I was pregnant. One, it's not. Yeah. It absolutely fucking sucks. And there are a ton of things that no one tells you about, which I'm convinced they do because if more women knew about the horrors of pregnancy, I genuinely believe less women would get pregnant, at least not before doing more research.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And two, the time you spend pregnant will reveal to you exactly what kind of man your husband truly is. That's a bar.
SPEAKER_03That is a bar. That's a bar. That's so true.
SPEAKER_01And then she says, and I learned that the hard way. In the first few months of my pregnancy, everything was great. We had we had done a gender reveal and we were both excited that we were gonna have a baby boy. That was always his dream. He wanted a sports team worth of sons because he loved sports, and this is relevant info. Yeah. Because when he was in college, his dream was to play MLB, which is like what?
SPEAKER_02Major League Baseball. Baseball.
SPEAKER_01His dream was to play MLB, which didn't work out because he was involved in a hazing incident that left two other people seriously injured. I won't get into it, but it was bad in all caps.
SPEAKER_03Red flag.
SPEAKER_01Red flag.
SPEAKER_03Red flag. Got it.
SPEAKER_01When I found out, when we found out we were having a boy, he was happier than I had ever seen him. He waited on me left and right, hand and foot, never made me ask for anything, and always catered to me. Even though pregnancy was hard, that part of it was heaven.
SPEAKER_03Nice.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I'd ever felt so seen and special before. He wanted to go all out for me and our baby. He painted the room, and in uh parentheses, it says colors of his favorite team, put together the changing station, bassinet, literally everything. He talked to our baby all the time about how great he was gonna be, how excited we were to meet him and what his future would look like, etc. He was invested in a way that surprised me because everyone said men don't connect with a baby until it's born. As my pregnancy progressed, we went in for a checkup, and during the ultrasound, we were informed that our baby was actually gonna be a girl, and there was a misinterpretation of the imaging from the first time. Yeah. I was, of course, bummed. We had already done so much work for a baby boy, but I was happy either way. But my husband was devastated, angry, and mad about how this could happen. Yeah, he kept demanding they check again and show him the proof. Once it was confirmed, he broke down crying. I felt so bad for him. Having a son was his dream, and it was just being taken away from him, just like that. I was devastated for him, and for the rest of my pregnancy, he was not the same. He was distant, cold, dismissive. And even though he still had hope that we'd be surprised with a son at the end of it, he treated me like it was my fault we weren't.
SPEAKER_02Oof.
SPEAKER_01I gave birth to our baby girl, and it was a difficult birth, especially being my first. You never fully know what to expect. I lost a ton of blood and kept passing out. I wonder if that's a thing. I've never heard of that before.
SPEAKER_03Maybe C-section or something, or I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I know I've never heard of a woman passing out during childbirth.
SPEAKER_03I mean, it makes sense.
SPEAKER_01It does make sense.
SPEAKER_03I just I've never she lost a lot of blood too, it seems.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, I lost a lot of blood and kept oh, it must be after she might must have been after she delivered the baby.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Okay, that makes sense. I lost a ton of blood and kept passing out. It was an unimaginable pain. Even with the epidural, I still felt what felt like everything. When she finally came out, he turned to stone. He held her, and I was hoping seeing her. her would make him light up again like he did when he thought we were having a boy. A few weeks after he was trying to get me, a few weeks after giving birth, he was trying to get me pregnant again. Even though I hadn't fully healed, I gave in because he was in mourning and I wanted to give him a son. I wanted to fix him. We started having sex pretty much immediately and got pregnant again.
SPEAKER_03Damn right after.
SPEAKER_01Yeah she doesn't say how long, but like you're supposed to not even have sex for six weeks. Yeah. So I would imagine maybe he's giving her a two week break.
SPEAKER_03No, he just he just sees her as a baby machine. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That is so sad. Yeah. We started we started having sex pretty much immediately and got pregnant again. The second pregnancy was nothing like the first. I was sicker, weaker, more tired another girl. In pain 24-7 and alone. Yeah. He did not show up for me like he did the first time. He said he was scared to get too invested.
SPEAKER_03The hell does that mean?
SPEAKER_01When I found out we were having another girl there it is.
SPEAKER_03I knew it.
SPEAKER_01I broke down.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01I had no idea how to tell him I literally had to get his parents involved because I was scared of how he'd react. I'm glad I did because he lost his fucking mind.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He tore apart the new baby room screamed for hours and then left the house and I didn't hear from him for two days.
SPEAKER_03What a freak.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Throughout that entire pregnancy he would make me feel like it was my fault. I'ma pause here. Men carry the XY chromosome. So if you're not making sons, that's on you, punk.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Women are XX.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Men are XY. So there's no way for her to give him a son. We only have female chromosomes. Um I literally had to get his parents involved because I was scared of how he'd react. I'm glad I did because he lost his fucking mind, tore apart the new baby room, screamed for hours and then left the house. I didn't hear from him for two days. Throughout that entire pregnancy he would make me feel like it was my fault and told me we were not going to stop having kids until he gets a boy and that he doesn't care what it takes. God I know that makes you so I know you're it's disgusting.
SPEAKER_03It's just like it's it's kind of like how did you not see any red flags in this guy before having kids?
SPEAKER_01Well let's not go straight to the victim blaming I'm not going to I'm not victim blaming.
SPEAKER_03I'm not victim blaming. I do believe there has to be red flags that he that he's just checked out.
SPEAKER_01I don't know I I mean maybe but I also believe that there are certain things that trigger people and they activate the darkest parts of them rather than it always being you know there. Throughout that entire pregnancy he would make me feel like it was my fault and told me we're not going to stop having kids until he gets a boy and that he doesn't care what it takes. Which was terrifying because with baby number two I developed preclampsia which I honestly don't know what that is so let's look it up after I don't know either I developed preclampsia and had to give birth via C section that's fucked. Yeah that was the most traumatic thing I ever experienced and when I held her for the first time I broke out in tears. I had all of these feelings of fear I was scared to get pregnant again scared to face his disappointment scared of everything. Beside beside my beside my parents and my mother in law I was alone at the hospital because he refused to come what he he didn't come to the to the second one I guess not.
SPEAKER_03Wow he's really that upset about it.
SPEAKER_01But her parents were there and his mom was there. Yeah uh I was alone at the hospital because he refused to come before I was discharged my doctor told me that I would likely continue to have high risk pregnancies and that I should not get pregnant again or it could be fatal.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was hysterical after that but also somewhat relieved.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I finally got home and he was dismissive barely held our baby and was talking about trying again until he got what he wanted psycho and was talking about trying again until he got what he wanted because I got what I wanted when all I ever really wanted was a healthy child and to not die in pregnancy. Yeah I could give a shit about the gender. Just like the last time he started to get me to try just like the last time he wanted me to try with him again and basically immediately but after a few weeks I told him that it wasn't safe for me to have kids or I could die.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He screamed telling me that doctors have no idea how my body works and they're just saying that that's not true. And women have been giving birth for thousands of years and we're not stopping until I get my boy.
SPEAKER_03Jeez.
SPEAKER_01I had never felt more end up with like four girls bro I hate to say that would be his karma because like daughters don't deserve to be the punishment of fathers.
SPEAKER_03It is his karma though.
SPEAKER_01I think that's the thing though is like a lot of we'll pause for a second a lot of men that not even a lot of men but there are a there are parents out there who believe that daughters are the punishment of parenting I would say especially fathers like oh my God I have so many daughters woe is me like as if having a daughter is a punishment of fatherhood or is a punishment of being a man or it's some sort of karmic well it's like this weird like view lens of like oh my lineage stops here because I have because they're not going to uh you know take my last name and continue my name and my legacy and all these stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah let's finish it and then we'll go into it. We'll go back. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um I had never felt more empty. We're not stop he said we're not stopping until I get my boy I had never felt more empty. It's been three years since our second kid and he's a good dad but he still won't stop bringing up pregnancy and saying things like he's given me enough time to heal and that he wants a son or he'll divorce me. No matter how much time it's been I'm still considered a high risk pregnancy. I know because I've checked I've brought him to the OB with me and they've shared the same information. Nothing is enough to change his mind. I'm taking birth control behind his back and I'm thinking I should leave him because at the end of the day he doesn't want me or our daughters he wants a son to relive his glory days through leave him and I won't risk my life for that I know you both have had serious conversations about pregnancy on your podcast and in listener letters. So I'd like Grant, I'd like Grant's opinion and the advice of any viewers I'm scared to be a single mom, but I'm more scared of taking the risk of getting pregnant again and not surviving it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I mean yeah this is like something that we've talked about multiple times of probably pretty much the one thing that is holding us back from pregnancy is you getting pregnant and putting your body and your health at risk because that's the scariest thing that could ever happen. You know is like we get pregnant and it's this beautiful thing but then you know you end up passing away or something happens to you. And I I just I couldn't live with whip myself after that if something like that happened. And also us not having a kid or you not getting pregnant to me seems more worth it than going through with it and risking your life you know and I think that that just shows that it shows this guy's priorities and his priorities are to have a son. That's it. His priority isn't to keep you safe it's not your guys's relationship it's not your guys's marriage he's put all of that to the wayside and now his only priority is to have a son so do with that what you will like I if I was you I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who didn't put our relationship first you know like the relationship has to be first over everything over your kids over all of that. Clearly he just wants to relive his past through a son or he's obsessed with the whole legacy thing or like continuing his name he's obsessed with all that crap. You know what you know what got um boy dads are just as toxic and horrible as boy moms. You know what I mean? Like the boy moms where they're obsessed with their sons and it's like this weird pseudosexual relationship and it's just uncomfortable and strange. But then what's just as toxic and horrible is the dad who's obsessed with having a son who's obsessed with having a boy you know it's like okay dude you get to play sports with the kid who cares there's also women's sports. You can just play sports with your daughter whatever and then don't be so obsessed with this idea of continuing my name or continuing the legacy of dude you're not that special. Yeah you are not that special so it doesn't matter if that continues.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03It will continue too through your daughter it could continue through a daughter as well. But that's that's a whole different thing but I just thought of that of like because we've talked about the boy mom thing.
SPEAKER_01I think that's a really good point. I think that men who are overly hyper obsessed with having sons have this sense of masculinity that they need to pass on to other men. Yeah. And I don't believe that the men who are hyper masculine are there's a difference between wanting a son. I would love to have a son and being like sons nothing but sons having a daughter would ruin my lineage. You know I I feel there are a lot of people who view men and having boys and having sons as the answer to some sort of prayer. You know what I mean? And they look at having daughters as some sort of um some sort of karma. Yeah. I think that I don't think that daughters are as valued in the household as sons are. Because you know when people get daughters they get all sad like oh my I see so many gender reveals where like the majority of the parents are just upset that they're having a daughter. Like you only had two options. You know and I think that with men who are hyper focused on having boys and having boys who they want I want to breed with a woman who's tall because I want to get my sons into sports. I think that you end up maybe even inadvertently passing down an ideology of toxic masculinity onto those boys because you're teaching them to be so masculine so young because you have a concept of what masculinity looks like and that's sports and that's aggression and that's not not taking care of women and that's not valuing women's contributions in society. And I think that men who are hyper obsessed with having sons devalue women. And I think it's also a reflection of how they generally generally view women as a whole. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_03I could see that that makes sense because it's it's kind of the same thing of like oh like I don't want a daughter or I don't want to have to deal with a woman because women are so emotional and women are are um hard to deal with and all these things it's like dude I because like I see so many debates online of like oh women could never lead you know in politics or anything like that because they're so emotional. I'm like bruh like are you seriously and men are more logical I'm like dude men literally have the highest suicide rates the highest rates of violent crimes is that not emotion yeah is that not an emotional outburst you know what I mean like men are emotional as hell. Yeah you know what I mean and we make horrible decisions because we're so damn emotional like you know every war was started by a man was that logical or was that emotional? Right. You know what I mean? And so it's it's like I'll never understand that that debate or that side saying oh women could never lead or could never do you know be in these high positions because they're so emotional. What if they're on their period you know what I mean it's like dude women have had a period their entire life that alone should show that they can control their emotions and regulate and regulate their emotions. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01So I think that's fascinating. Men don't qualify anger as an emotion they qualify it as a facet of masculinity. Yeah that's why they don't consider themselves emotional.
SPEAKER_03Mascul what is like or testosterone it's testosterone. It's like yeah what does testosterone cause emotions?
SPEAKER_01Right. You know like it's just so funny because you see a lot of men being like women are so emotional women are this women are that but they they take in women's emotions such as sympathy and empathy and they warp those into being negative traits. But it is actually scientifically proven that the more sympathetic and empathetic you are, the more emotionally regulated you are. When you don't have those when you don't have those attributes to your personality you often default to anger very quickly you're often more violent you're often more aggressive and the issue is with men and the whole women are emotional debate is they are not qualifying anger as an emotion because so many men are reared in showing that they are reared in showing anger because they feel that anger is a pillar of masculinity so they conflate the two. So there's not a difference between being masculine and being angry because they're taught that aggression is the most masculine way to project or portray manliness. So yeah good point.
SPEAKER_03But yeah but back to this girl back to the story back to the story. She wants to know your advice yeah I mean my advice and I know that obviously like you guys have kids you guys probably have assets tied together. It's not this simple but I would say that you don't want to be with somebody who is just who's putting your health to the side yeah just for a freaking son or for a child. Like somebody who's willing to do that they don't care about you as much as they should you know a husband should protect his wife that's like a part of the job and he's putting you in harm's way he's doing the complete opposite so that would be my advice you know and I mean obviously you're not you shouldn't get pregnant again. So keep like if you have to continue to take freaking pills behind his back but the also the or like birth control behind his back the also the other thing is like this guy seems unstable. Yeah like what happens when he catches you eventually because he probably will if you're taking birth control behind his back what happens when he catches you doing that like this guy doesn't seem like a reasonable guy.
SPEAKER_01So I think that like my my something that I want to mention is and this is what she said is that less women would get pregnant if they knew about the horrors of it. And I think that that's so true. I do as a woman I do not feel very well educated on pregnancy. I don't feel educated on the risks I don't feel educated on how you go through it. What are you supposed to do? What's step number one, you know, and growing up they teach you about having a period being a girl is literally consistently a masterclass you're in a masterclass being taught about femininity by people who have experienced it all throughout your life it never stops. And when we're when we're young we're taught okay start covering up your body boys are going to start looking at it that's master class number one. Number two is when you start getting your menstrual cycle and what that means. That's your second masterclass at life. So all the women who have menstruated teach you how to navigate menstruation. But even that there's not a lot of education around it. Like I didn't know that there were all these different phases of menstruation luteal, gluteal whatever the phases I still don't know what they are. And that seems like something that I should have been taught. And there's just so much complexity to being a woman that I totally agree that if more of us knew about the horrors that we could experience in pregnancy, shout out to the girl with the list. If more of us knew about the horrors that we could experience in pregnancy, we would be more well informed to make those decisions. And then I think it would also help us navigate choosing better partners because women are just not prepared for how difficult pregnancy is going to be we're just not and because it's been happening for thousands of years we're we're kind of put we're kind of put into this situation and you know sheepdogged like cattle into the relationship to marriage to pregnancy pipeline without really taking into account just how dangerous it is. And then when women say things like I'm scared to get pregnant because I might risk my life we're shit on because oh well that's what you're built for yeah but what do men do all day? They complain they complain about working hard they complain about going to war they complain. But when women complain about actually having to be biologically wired to doing something that could easily take your life it's shut up and deal with it. That's what you were made for. And I think that with her my biggest concern is having a C-section is not that's not light lunch. That's very difficult. And to be with somebody who just wants to pump you full of babies is irresponsible of him. And if you allow him to pump you full of more babies is irresponsible of you.
SPEAKER_03He doesn't appreciate what you're going through for him and for the family. He doesn't appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah yeah I I that's that's something really difficult. I don't think that there are enough men who really appreciate just how difficult pregnancy is on women's bodies well it's kind of just glazed over as this miracle thing.
SPEAKER_03You know what I mean? It's like this magical thing that um you're allowed to or that you know nature has allowed you to do but yeah it's a freaking nightmare. And he doesn't care.
SPEAKER_01It sounds like he doesn't care if you die he doesn't care he wants a son. And I've always felt this as a man if you are with a woman and you guys have just had a baby and it hasn't been the typical healing time which is six weeks and you're back to having sex with her, you don't care about her life.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01I don't care what anybody says like you just do not care about her physical safety. I get it you guys miss each other. Six weeks is a long time to go without sex. She's horny she just had a baby she got all these hormones you're horny you want to have sex it's great. But like I think that it's easier for women to fold in that period of time because they're going through so many things emotionally that you as the man need to have the responsibility and the discernment to say no, we are not having sex until you're in the clear for sure. We are not having sex until I know that you are healthy because I would hate to risk you getting pregnant again within the short period of time because my mom always says the most the time where you're most fertile is right after you've gotten pregnant, right after you've had a baby.
SPEAKER_02Dang.
SPEAKER_01And so the men who don't take that type of thing seriously I just feel like that's so insensitive and if you're with a man and you just had a baby and he got you pregnant only a few weeks later he doesn't care about your health.
SPEAKER_03No I don't care how you cut it and you guys need to put each other first you know you guys need to both prioritize each other over the family over the kids over the in-laws over all of it um so you guys have a very strong team dynamic.
SPEAKER_01So and I think the last thing that I will say about this is like I said pregnancy is difficult and Grant and I have consistently been uh considering surrogacy and my dad has all these he's like oh my god if you get a surrogate then that baby won't really love you and it's not really your baby and I put this thing out on Facebook because we have been talking about it so it was so crazy that we got this listener letter. I put this question out on Facebook because I just talked to my dad about it. I was like you know I don't think I'm gonna be giving birth he was like oh that's very vain of you it's very vain for you to not want to sacrifice your body to give birth you're just trying to protect your vanity and but your dad is one of those guys that just wants a kid or he just he doesn't care how he gets it. He just wants a kid we love him but that that is true. That's something that he has admitted to me. Yeah and I what's the scariest for me is I've dealt with a lot of depression and I've dealt with suicidal ideation. And I just do not believe I'd make it out a postpartum. I don't that'd be yeah I I don't think I'd make it out I and that is a big fear for me is I don't want to be pregnant to be honest. I don't want my body occupied by a baby for nine months. Maybe I'll change my mind maybe it's a big maybe but I'm just not mentally prepared for how much that's going to change me how much I change how much it changes how I look at myself and how much it'll change maybe even our dynamic. And I'm scared that I will have a baby and be like I went through all of this for you. You know what I mean? Like I don't know I don't think I would resent my child but I wouldn't take that off the table because it's extreme like giving birth is so extreme. And I just wish people would acknowledge how big of an ask that is so when and you know what here's another hot take if you have any more than four children that's irresponsible. I don't care what anybody says this is not the 50s the 20s the 1910s you don't need 10 damn children six seven eight if you have any more than four children I genuinely believe that that is very reckless. Yeah and it is not sustainable. Even if you're rich, I don't give a shit Elon Musk should not have as many children as he has. Nobody should have more than five children maximum yeah I just think that like you can really and you can really deeply love three kids. Once you get to four there's some deep favoritism going on there.
SPEAKER_03You're not gonna be able to pass that energy around you're just popping out school shooters at that point who are going to have no emotional background like foundation.
SPEAKER_01I mean like I just I'm sorry I just don't believe that anybody needs any more than four children. Any more than four children I do believe that that's irresponsible. We're in an age where having children is a luxury you do not need children to be on the farm with you milking cows with you running errands for you helping you raise your other children. Children are a luxury now so when I see people who are like oh we're on our seventh baby why I know you don't have any impulse control anyway okay that's that for that we gave we gave more than enough advice is there another one yeah there's one more okay would I be the asshole if I permanently cut my sister out of my life and how do I go about doing so for some context both me female 22 and my sister who I'll refer to refer to as Brandy 20 were both abused hit slapped dragged and bullied by our dad when we were younger Up until he moved out when I was 16 and she was 14. I moved out to live with my nan, which I think is like a grandma. Maybe this is a European person. I moved out to live with my nan at 20, and I haven't talked to my dad since he moved out. Whereas my sister still has contact with him. Last year we got into a big fight about whether or not my dad should have access to my mom's house or not, since technically he's still on the lease and often just walks in whenever he wants to. Things got heated and she ended up wrapping her hands around my throat. No physical damage was done, but I'm currently in therapy to help with CPTSD. I don't know what that is. Child post-traumatic stress syndrome, maybe?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Alongside antidepressants, since the attack opened the old wound of childhood abuse. Yeah. I've also had nightmares and flashbacks of the attack alongside other abusive moments from our dad before he moved out. Since then, I've gone almost zero contact with her. I've received zero apology apart from my mom telling me that she's sorry. But I have overheard her saying that I deserve it. I've been tempted to write her a letter staying that I'm going no contact, but I still want to hope that one day I'll get my sister back. Our relationship hasn't always our relationship has always been somewhat rocky. When we were kids, we loved playing together, but when we hit our teen years, we started fighting and avoiding each other due to both of us struggling with mental health issues. We've had our fair share of fights. She's bitten me, put slugs in my hair, and I've broken her toys and poured drinks on her head. And we both always apologize and made up after a long talk. I miss her and the relationship we could have since we're both now adults. However, Brandy has made zero effort to apologize. We used to buy each other presents for birthdays and Christmas. However, that stopped. Our mom, grandmother, and granddad want me to simply forgive Brandy, but how can I when she hasn't even apologized? Plus, I'm usually the peacemaker in the family thanks to therapy. But thanks to therapy, I no longer force myself into that role. I feel unsafe being around her and feel like the best move is to wait until she goes to therapy herself to confront her issues that she's having so we can have adult conversations. But right now, I do not feel like that's possible. I'd never want to come between her and our dad, even though I do think he's an abusive, abusive dick and narcissist. Brandi is currently in and out of the hospital due to an eye issue. She got hit by a car. It says in parentheses, she got hit by a car when she was in high school and it damaged her eye. So our family spends more time with her than they do me, which I don't really mind since I love living the introverted. Hashtag introverted life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'd love some advice on how to go about it. At the moment, I want to write a letter since I don't want her phone number because she could leak she could leak my number to our dad since they're both still close and I don't want him having any contact with me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Thanks a bunch. P.S. When I asked Brandy, how could she see what our when I asked Brandy if she thought that our dad was abusive to us? She said no, he was just being a good parent, and some kids deserve to be hit.
SPEAKER_03Mmm, okay. So yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01And Brandy sucks.
SPEAKER_03Did she did she say, I can't remember, did she say that she was the older sibling?
SPEAKER_01She is.
SPEAKER_03She's the older sibling. By two years. So I think this happens a lot with siblings where the older sibling, you know, has a lot more memory of the childhood and what happened during those like bad years. Um, and then the the um younger child, the younger sibling doesn't really have the same memory. Right, you know, like or maybe the dad was going through a really hard time through specific years where uh the older sibling was old enough to see what was happening and what was going on and experience it where the younger sibling just wasn't old enough to experience it.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03And then, you know, those years passed, and now the only memory that the younger sibling has is the good years. So they're kind of looking at one each other one another with totally different experiences of their dad.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03Um, it seems like that's what's happening right now because it's like it seems like the older sibling knew that the abuse he was the dad was doing was wrong and was extreme. And uh the younger sibling is like, no, I don't remember it to be that way. I don't remember it to be that bad, you know. Um, but yeah, I mean, if it's clearly it was bad enough to completely resent your dad, you know, like it I feel like this girl isn't just gonna resent her father for a spanking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, so I mean she said that they were dragged, slapped, and bullied. Dragged. What kind of parent is dragging you, especially your dad? Like, I just for me, I think that dads should administer punishment or reprimanding onto boys. I do not think that they should be hitting their daughters unless they're like giving them a little pop on the butt or whatever. Like I was getting spankins, but my dad never hit me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, my dad actually never hit either of us. I think that my mom beat the shit out of me, though.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say, I think that for a daughter, the discipline, physical disany physical discipline should come from the mother.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_03It should never come from the dad.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. I think it's very um unfortunate with your sister Brandy. I think that Brandy needs to get cut off until Brandy is healed and unpack some of her trauma. Yeah. And there is no excuse to physically and violently abusing your children. I don't care like where you're at in your life or what the child did. There's no excuse for violently abusing your children. Yeah. And children, I would never say that like some kids deserve to get hit. Some kids deserve spankings. Sure.
SPEAKER_03For sure.
SPEAKER_01I was getting my ass whooped when I was a kid. I deserved every single spanking I got, but it wasn't abuse.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, there's this whole thing now where it's like, you gotta be a gentle parent. I've seen that shit. I see y'all parenting.
SPEAKER_03No, you you have to, you have to sometimes you have to be aggressive. You have to have aggressive parents.
SPEAKER_01I do not consider my parent, my mom, like giving me spankings as abuse. I just don't, because there wasn't psychological malintent behind it. And I think maybe that's the differentiator.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01For me, anyway.
SPEAKER_03Well, and it said the list of things that she said, she said that they were dragged, they were hit and bullied.
SPEAKER_01So that's like a whole other that's psychological, psychological warfare there, too. Sometimes your biggest op is your parent. Yeah. Sometimes the first person that ever makes you feel terrible about yourself is your parents. It could be your mom, your dad, your aunts, your uncles, your family.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that will warp you in ways that people cannot describe. Like, I feel like I'm still healing from being like from dealing with mental abuse from my family growing up. You know, I would rather they just smack me around one or two times. But like they made me feel so unlikable that now I walk into a lot of interactions just assuming people already don't like me because the people that are supposed to like me hate me. Yeah. You know, and they treat me like I'm this bad uh demon that they don't even want around, or like it's charity for them to pick me up from school or treat me with kindness.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, they I felt very treated less than, and I felt like a burden growing up and very singled out and very bullied. So I think that when you have family members who treat you that way, you're never gonna fully be able to recover and regulate your nervous system. Maybe you can, maybe I just haven't had the right therapist. But for me, I haven't been able to do it.
SPEAKER_03But you that that grudge will always be there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's just like I I don't even hold a grudge against them. It's just I don't want anything to do with them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I think that that's the difference. Like I have a I guess so, yeah. I mean, but I have this one aunt and she was terrible to me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And sometimes she'll like message me or tell me that she loves me. And I'm like, this feeling does not go both ways. And I feel like she only started being nice to me when I was old enough to fight back. That was that was when I noticed that things would change because when I was eight, 10, 11, she was so mean to me. But every year I'd be like, when I get bigger, I'm gonna beat her up. When I get bigger, when I get bigger, when I get bigger. And then I got to be about 14 to 16, somewhere in that area. And then she really stopped trying me.
SPEAKER_03And you have your own opinions and you have, you know, now you can really take in what's happening. Where, you know, I think abusers like that, they take advantage of children because they're so naive and they don't really know what's going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so they're like, Oh, I can treat this little kid however the hell I want. And then they just take out their own.
SPEAKER_01And I've had people be like, Oh, well, you're older and she's changed and she's older. People that abuse children do not change. No, I don't want to hear it. Oh, she deserves a second chance. No.
SPEAKER_03And it's and they were grown adults when you were a child.
SPEAKER_01I'm talking about a 30-year-old bullying me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's crazy. They were grown adults. Yeah, there's no excuse.
SPEAKER_01That's insane. And so, like, for me, I don't hate my aunt. I don't have any really ill will. I used to, I used to have all these negative thoughts about her growing up, but then it got to a point where I was just like, I'm over it, and I feel nothing towards her, you know. And I don't feel like you should feel bad when something happens to your abuser or somebody that you consider was abusive to you. People expecting you to mourn or want to fix it, or you build the bridge because you're emotionally intelligent. No, you do not fix things with abusers.
SPEAKER_03That's not put on you. And same with this girl. Like exactly it's not put on you to fix this. Like it's not. It seems like your your sister does have a lot of growing to do, and maybe you guys should have more conversations about it once you guys have cooled down, because then you can kind of give your lived experience. Yeah. Because you were older during that time, and she she probably doesn't share the same experience as you. And she was probably getting it harder too, because she was the older one.
SPEAKER_01Definitely.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I think that you know, this is a very uh emotionally intelligent letter that you wrote us. So thank you so much for sharing. And I'm sorry that you have experienced this type of abuse, and I hope that you're doing well. I hope that one day you're able to mend things with your sister. It's really hard when you grow up in a mentally or physically abusive scenario with a sibling. You either become totally bonded or separated by it. There's really no middle ground.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And if you become separated by it, your experiences feel like two different experiences. And it's hard to find peace between the two of you and reconciliation. But I am glad that you're not gonna give your sister your phone number because I do think that she would leak it to your dad. And I want you to be safe and protect yourself mentally.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01So I think that that's gonna be it for this listener letter episode, y'all.
SPEAKER_02There it is.
SPEAKER_01Grant and I uh it's late over here. I have a splitting headache, probably because I don't drink nearly as much water as I should.
SPEAKER_02She does not.
SPEAKER_01I think maybe I've had like one bottle of water in like the last four days.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I feel terrible. And we're about to go to the gym. Um, but our dating show is on the way out, y'all. So we're actually casting. We've already got people that have dropped their hat, their name in the hat for casting. Of course, as per usual, we're gonna link it down here. Send us a listener letter if you guys want us to respond, react, or give any advice to something that you might be going through. And we love you, besties. You're the besties. And Grant, what do you gonna say, my dude?
SPEAKER_03Um, nothing. Thanks for watching, guys. Um, yeah, we know that you know a lot of you guys like the listener letters, but go to our other ones. I promise you, go to our other episodes. Like there's lots of knowledge, there's lots of experience that we've had in our relationship, and we're just sharing it with you guys. We're just giving it and we're giving you guys the real. Like the episode before this one, we got real.
SPEAKER_01Real.
SPEAKER_03We got real.
SPEAKER_01It's just one of my favorite episodes that we've ever done. It was great. Yeah, people loved it.
SPEAKER_03So go watch that.
SPEAKER_01Go watch it.
SPEAKER_03Um, but thanks for watching in general, guys.
SPEAKER_01And uh yeah, you guys are the best, and we love you. And look at my background. I added more stuff, it's so pretty now. I got a lava lamp because what girl doesn't want a lamp with a lava? And who doesn't want a lamp dust? Lava. I'm bringing back the 90s, please. Okay, all right, besties. Love you guys. Thanks for watching, guys.