My Boyfriend is DL! | Listener Letter

Wake up, go on your lunch break or get off the phone because new ‘Bestie Mail’ has been delivered 💌 !

And in this episode DL. 

Y'all this one has us shaking in our boots, because WHAT DO YOU MEAN your ex boyfriend was DL and now his man wants to fight you??

Theres so many things to unpack, we need to find a therapist and sit on their couch because this one was a doozy 😭

Here what we jump into today:

1. I Found Out My BF is DL!
2. My BestFriend Is Choosing Her BF Over Me
3. My Ex's Boyfriend Want's To Fight Me
   
   

Here are some of our thoughts out of context:
Boob guys are weird, you cant have healthy friendships with women who are men obsessed, and ALWAYS check your partner phone if you're suspicious! 👀

Thank you to the Besties who wrote in and were vulnerable enough to share their stories.
To submit your own listener letters, click here.
Apply to be on our dating show, click here.

P.S LET US KNOW HOW YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS HIDING SOMETHING SUSS!👀

If you wanna watch our live reactions to this episode (which you should 👀), catch us on YouTube!

Besties, let us know what y'all think on this one!

-Grant & Aja

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This is a story about how I found out my ex-boyfriend was DL. He was taking nudes in my bathroom, face down, ass up.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Whoa.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

You don't take nudes to somebody else's humble abode.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The biggest red flag in a man is when he forces his girl to like get some type of plastic surgery.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

My best friend is choosing her boyfriend over me. And every time she dates a new guy, I feel like she ghosts me and our friendship until things either fizzle out or blow up. I do not believe that you can have valuable relationships with overly male-centered women. What's up, y'all? Welcome to another episode of Hangin Out Forever. My name is Asia Corinne, your host. I'm here with my boyfriend of eight years and co-host.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

What up, guys? Grant Blackwell.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

And maybe you notice something a little different about how I'm talking right now. And it's because I got a retainer. No, no, sorry. I got Invisalign. Spark Invisalign. I know some of you guys are like, oh my God, you have such beautiful teeth. I get that comment a lot. Thank you. But now I'm gonna have beautiful lured teeth. Gonna close these gaps, close them right up. So shout out to Spark Invisalign.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

And if my orthodontist gave me a discount, I'd be shouting him out in this episode too. But alas!

SPEAKER_00 1:04

No discounts.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

No discounts, no shout-outs. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

She was thinking about doing braces, but we were like, nah. Yeah. Braces, they change your face and they change everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

So hopefully my Invisalign don't look too insane and it doesn't mess up with how you guys are enjoying these listener letters. I've also got my handy dandy wine today.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

You got a little bit of a lisp.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Is it cute?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

It's cute. I think it's cute.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Okay. Thanks. I'm just kidding. Okay, thanks. All right. Let's go ahead and get into it. We've finna dive into this listener letter episode today. And there's a theme. You guys know I love to theme the listener letters. I go through all the ones that we receive. I pick some. I'm like, oh my God, there's a theme. The next one is all about families. Family drama.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Family drama.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Family issues. This one is gay. This one is very LGBTQ.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

That's what I thought you were doing there. I thought you knew that.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Connections.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Well, it's not necessarily gay, right? From what you've kind of briefly told me, it's DL.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

There's one story where a woman is gay. It's not really a part of the story, but it kind of is. Okay. And then the theme of the other episodes is DL. DL men. The men are the men are DL.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

They know what DL is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheers to that. Why would I cheers to that? Don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Cheers.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

But here we go. I got my wine. Can you hear it clanking if you're listening through the audio? Let's get it.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Let's get it. When you hear the clinking, you know it's more.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

When you hear the clinking, she's a thanking.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

All right.

unknown 2:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Let's get it ready. Let's dive in, guys.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

And again, I have skimmed through them, not fully read them, and Grant has not read them at all. So I just say, which ones do you want to do today? This type families or this type gay? And he was like, let's go gay. And then let's go freaking Pride Month. Hell yeah. Happy Pride, besties.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Happy Pride.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Anyway, let's get into it. Hi, I'm from Tulsa, and this is a story about how I found out my ex-boyfriend was DL. So I've known him for about five years now, and we didn't start dating until the fourth year. Uh until the fourth year that we knew each other. This happened near the beginning of our relationship. And since then, it has left me emotionally scarred. I had him stay the night with me on weekends since he didn't work on the weekends, and we were just hanging out and talking. But something wasn't right about him one day because he kept going inside the bathroom a lot that day, but I never really questioned it. We continued the day normal till I saw a random number pop up with no name on it. And then he was texting them back consistently. And it just gave me a gut feeling to go through his phone. So later that night, I went through his phone and saw he was texting to a guy he met on Reddit about when to meet up. He was also taking nudes in my bathroom face down, ass up.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Whoa. At her bathroom, dude. Come on, man. Have some cooth.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Have some damn class. What the hell? You don't take you don't take nudes in somebody else's humble abode.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

I know, yeah. That's pretty wild.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

It's crass. Okay. I like the way she did ass up though, because she did two dollar signs. That's hilarious. Okay. Face down ass up. And I couldn't see any more after that. I felt so disgusted with myself because I had seen all of this after we had already had sex. And it was where I couldn't even sleep all night. So the next morning while he was sleeping, I went to a friend's house and chilled there all day because my mind could not wrap around what I saw. I didn't come back home till midnight. I got back and all I see is him drinking his sorrows away in my house. I didn't want nothing to do with him whatsoever at this point. And lo and behold, he told me everything I needed to know. And this man has been DL for almost two years. He did it behind an ex-girlfriend's back before me, and she never even found out. And I had him tell me about all the events that happened, and he showed me the type that he was going for on the app. His story still doesn't add up till this day, but I'm glad I'm out of the situation as fast as I could have been. I'm not in therapy, but I really need to be. I let that man put me through more after that when it was obvious to exit the situation. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope it makes it on you guys' podcast. Well, you did, Queen.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

You did. You made it. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I mean take a little sip of his wine.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

That's rough. When when I hear stories like this of the boyfriend being DL or whatever, it's kind of like, just be single, dude.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Or gay.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Well, yeah, just be gay. Just be gay. Even if you're not fully ready or open enough to tell everybody you're gay or date a guy, just be single and hook up with dudes. Why do you have to have a girlfriend?

SPEAKER_01 5:28

I wonder, I I there's so okay, let me set this down. There's so many men who are DL that I think it's kind of like a part of a kink for them.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

I was gonna say that too.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Where it's like, oh my god, I have a girl at home and I'm getting some dang a lang on the side that nobody knows about. You know?

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Or it's like, I'm straight. I'm straight.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

I'm straight. No, but seriously.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

There are a lot of people who are like, okay, I can't say who, but I know somebody, and they have been with, they're not, they're not a friend of mine. I know a from a person that I know. Okay. Right? Like a third party, I know this person.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

A friend of a friend.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Yeah, like a friend of a friend.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

And he has been dating a married man for like five years. And the married man has openly gay.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

He's openly gay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

The married man has a family, kids, all of that. And like they'll go on trips together and they'll do things together. And I'm just like, I just, I just don't know how people don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

How are these women just letting their husbands be like, oh yeah, I'm going on this trip without you? If you were telling me that you know information about it.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

No, that's a good point. But if you were telling me that you would go on a trip, I'd be like, okay, have fun.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

But I mean Yeah, but I would have some type of like proof of the trip. You know what I mean? Like you would know exactly who I'm going with. Photos. Photos. I would we would be in contact still, even though I'm on the trip. Like, how do these dudes get away with this? Listen. I think the wife has to be a person.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

I think there are some people who just don't want to know.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I think there's a lot of people who don't want to know, but also turn a blind eye. Like there are a lot of men, because we're talking about the DL men here. There are a lot of men who are like really, really narcissistic. And I I think that narcissists are like master manipulators. So it's kind of hard to know like when you're with somebody that's hiding things. For me, I'd be able to sniff it out like a triple pig because I trust no man. But you know, I just think I just think it's like kind of really in it's really interesting to find out somebody is DL, but I do think that there are a lot of men who are DL and either they're not comfortable with coming out as gay, yeah, or they have a kink for like the secret life that they're living.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

That's what I was kind of thinking too of like, is this guy gay or is he just like a sex addict? You know what I mean? I think that can also be a problem. I mean, if you're going on Reddit for poom poom or you got an I've never heard of that, I've never meeting each other on Reddit.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Like I've heard of Grinder, but I've never heard of somebody being like, let me go find some hot ass on Reddit.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

I don't want to download a grinder or something that like they'll notice. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 8:11

It's almost like going on Craigslist. Remember backpages? Yeah, exactly. It's like backpage to me. Yeah. So it's weird. For sure. Uh, shout out for you for getting out of there, girl.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Oh, yeah, yeah. We should probably give some type of thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

She's not asking for advice.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

She's just telling a story.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Okay, gotcha. But yeah, I mean, I think you you made the right decision of leaving because on top of him being gay, which that's fine, he was cheating on you. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He was cheating.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I forgot it was so caught up in the DL party.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

I know, yeah. I mean, it's probably, you know, hurts a lot more because you find out that you're like, does he even like women? Does he like me? You know, or was he just using me? There's probably so much more complicated feelings that come with that. But um I think you did the right thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

You did the right thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Pictures of him ass up in your uh ass up in your bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Are those my tiles? Is that my shower curtain?

SPEAKER_00 9:02

It's it's the whole like down low part that is wrong with it. You know what I mean? It's the lying, it's the deceiving of of this woman that not the being gay. Man, that was unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

These stories aren't like a great representation of pride. I I didn't even I didn't even put that together. Now I'm like, damn.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Maybe now she's in a new relationship with a very straight man who chops wood and does straight stuff. And so she's with, you know, a new man. She's happy.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Gay men could chop wood.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

He went and he's chopping wood too, probably. You know, with his new man.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Stupid. So okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

All right. All right, let's move on.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Nice. He said he's doing manly stuff like chopping wood. Gay men are men.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I know.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

That's funny. All right, we got the next letter. My best friend is choosing her boyfriend over me. Hey Grant Asia, I want to know if I'm being a bad friend. So my best friend since middle school has always really loved boys. I'd say she's boy crazy. I'm gay, so I don't have that problem. LOL. When we were in high school, she used to convince me to sneak out of the house to go to parties and to the houses of boys that she liked. When we were kids, that kind of thing was fun to do. And it was definitely my most rebellious face. Skipping school, smoking weed, kissing guys. And it's funny because if it wasn't for her, always keeping us around a bunch of guys, I would not have realized so early on that I was gay. Period, Queen.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Okay, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Anyway, uh, me being gay has always been a positive for our friendship because we never competed for the same person. She's always had terrible taste in guys, addicts, ex-cons, men with anger issues. If a man had some sort of unregulated problem, she was into him. I've never ever liked any of the men she's dated, even in high school. And every time she dates a new guy, I feel like she ghosts me and our friendship until things either fizzle out or blow up. She'll shift or cancel plans with me just to hang out with the guy she's interested in or wants to hook up with. The only time I hear from her now is when she's found a new guy or is going through a breakup. That used to be fine when we were kids because she lives so close that at least when she would complain about the guy she dated, it would just happen at school or one of our houses. When we hung out with boys, they would always compare our looks, calling her the pretty one, but that didn't bug me too much because again, yay. I never cared what the boys thought of me. All this felt very normal growing up. Boys talk about girls' looks and whatever else they talk about, and girls talk about boys. Her focus, her, her focus on them just felt like a normal girl thing. As we got older, I realized she never grew out of it. She recently started dating this new guy, and he seemed normal at first. No felonies, no kids, a stable career.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

You know, normal. No felonies. Yeah. I know that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Can you imagine that being the benchmark? You know normal. I didn't think about that. Yeah. That's funny. Um, but I've come to realize that he's very controlling of her. They've only been dating six months and they already live together. Red flag.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

He seems to control, he seems to control what she eats, where she goes, and how she dresses. She's naturally blonde, but he forced her to dye her hair brown so she could attract less male attention. And he also doesn't want her to wear makeup. But red flag. Yeah. But he does want her to get a massive boob job, which confuses me because if the goal is to make her get less attention from men, ridiculously sized tits doesn't feel like a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

That's such a good point. You know what is maybe the biggest red flag, I think, in a man is when he pretty much forces his girl to like get some type of plastic surgery or get some type get a boob job specifically.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

I know a guy who was so insane, so manipulative, constantly cheating, just a horrible partner, and he made his girlfriend get three different boob boob jobs.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

That's insane.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

That's just like you're putting her through literal surgery that you know could potentially permanently damage her body or permanently damage her in some type of way, you know. Like if something goes wrong. That's just like I don't, I'll never understand that.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

To me, like, I don't know. For some reason, guys who are overly obsessed with boobs really creep me out.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Boob guys are weird.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Boob guys are so much weirder than ass men. Like there's something about being a guy that's like, oh my god, I love a girl with a nice ass. That feels wholesome.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

But when a guy is like, I love some big old honkin tits, it feels so perverted.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Like rom-com. What are we doing here?

SPEAKER_01 13:29

It feels like a little like you know, fucking teenager that just goes up to a girl, goes, and then runs away.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Like vintage vibes. It's weird. It's just creepy.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Like it's good to have big titties. You know, I'm part of the big titty club. But when a guy just loves tits, it's creepy as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

That's so funny. And it's kind of against the norm now at this point, because I think like asses are all the rage.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Asses are the rage. But also, I think the thing is, is when a guy is obsessed with ass, you at least have to turn around for him to check you out. Whereas a man that's obsessed with tits is gonna lock in on your tits, stare at you, like give you homelander laser vision right at those ta-ta's. It's a no for me. Okay. I think you're you're equally balanced, ass and tit man, but mainly an ass man.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

And I'm just so happy to come with tits.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

I love a nice booty.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Mm-hmm. That's true. Okay, let's pick up. Sorry about that. He does want her to get a massive boob job, which confuses me because if the goal is to make her get less attention from men, ridiculously, ridiculously sized tits does not feel like a good idea. Yeah. I've met him a handful of times and he is completely dismissive towards me, acts like I'm invisible, and treats me like a man. I mask, it says mass, but I think she meant to say mask. I mask presenting. Yeah. So I think that's why. He objectifies her in front of me, grabs her ass, and is always commenting on her body and how much better it would look with an I quote.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

That is it.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Okay. Okay. He always grabs her ass and comments on her body and how much better it would look with an I quote massive sandbag tits.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Massive sandbag tits.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

And then it says, and then it says, like, what the fuck does that even mean?

SPEAKER_00 15:12

I don't know. That reminds me of the time that somebody commented about they said you're massive chocolate milkers or something. What did they say?

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Chocolate milk jugs or something crazy like that. We were on YouTube live.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

We were live on YouTube, and somebody was like, whoa, nice chocolate milk jugs or something sick like that. I was like, I hate titmen. We're crazy and gross. It was hilarious. But it was still gross. Like, what the fuck does that even mean? He treats me like I'm an actual guy and has to compete with and has to compete with me to show off.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Complete fucking douche, this guy. I feel violated every time just being around him. And I brought that up to her. And she was like, oh, that's just how he is. He's just playing around. And I shouldn't take shit so serious. I let her know that I can't be around him. And she was like, well, that's your problem because I'm gonna marry him and you're gonna have to deal with it. That was the moment I decided to end our friendship. I told her that she was a male-centered psychopath who never valued our friendship and treated me like a prop she could feel prettier against. And pretty soon the only thing going for her will be her big party city clown tits.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Wow, this girl is hilarious. Big sandbags. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Pretty soon the only thing going for her will be her party city clown tits.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Whoa, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

She told me I was just jealous because I couldn't be with her. And that I'm the shitty friend because her new boyfriend told her this all would happen. Even though I was already done, that was definitely the last straw for me. I'm wondering if I'm the bad friend and if instead of being passive and letting her date bad guys, if I should have stuck up for her and protected her even from herself, should I have walked away? Any advice would help? P.S. She's not even my type. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, that that's a tough situation, though.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

I'm sweating. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I'm loving these titty references. It's pretty funny. But uh that's a tough situation there because at the end there, she said, she's like, should I have stuck in it out and tried to help her, you know?

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Um, and that can be tough because you why would you want to help somebody that's throwing you away so easily? Like this lifelong friendship that you guys have over some guy that's clearly an asshole, clearly is not worth it, and she's just throwing you to the side, like I would be like a peace. Um it it is tough, but it also, you know, I always think about this even with you, but luckily you don't have any friends that are like this that are so like living a chaotic lifestyle and bringing like dangerous men into their lives, because you know, bringing dangerous men into your friend being bringing dangerous men into her life could potentially affect your life as well. Yeah. If you're their best friend, you're constantly with them, constantly at their house, constantly um driving with them in their car, and this person has a stalker or has somebody that they were date potentially dating and for some reason didn't see all these red flags, that you know, you could be with them while that person has some type of episode and shows up at her place and freaking murders the both of you, or does some you know, harms you in some type of way, or thinks that you're the reason why they broke up and takes it out on you, you know, like you can you can be affected by your friends' choices of who they bring in their lives. And I think that uh, you know, sometimes uh completely distancing yourself from it is probably the best, uh you know, the safest thing for you to do.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

I will say this I do not believe that you can have valuable relationships with overly male-centered women. Yeah, there's no way. I just don't think that you can really cultivate something deep and meaningful with somebody whose entire life is centered around men, like, oh my god, yeah, that is so exhausting. Because they'll always choose the man over you, they'll always choose the man, they always have men problems, they're always like trying to um accommodate men. And then also, this is another point I'm gonna make before I forget is there's there's this whole thing online where everybody's like, oh, I hate male-centered women and I hate being male-centered, and men suck, and men suck, and I'm not male-centered. If you're making content about how much you hate men, you are male-centered. Stop getting on my nerves. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

That's so true. I hate that.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Oh my God, men are so trash. Men are this, men are that. We need to decenter men. You're literally talking about them right now. Yeah. How about you shut up? How about you just stop talking about them?

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

That's really how you de-center men. Are can we can we decenter men? No, technically not. We live in a freaking patriarchy or whatever. But like the women who think they're so holier than thou because they don't center men and they publicly hate and shame and bash men, girl, you're just as gross and you're twice as annoying to me.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

I think a lot of these women, they just don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. They don't know how to set boundaries for uh within their relationship when it comes to their friendships. Because I feel like there is there's a lot of times where a man will start dating a girl and won't potenti won't really like their friend group and will start to slowly poison poison it, poison a relationship, try to push them away, trying to feed her little things, you know what I mean, here and there of just kind of saying, Oh, I don't like that your friend does this, I don't like that she does this, I don't trust her around you, I don't trust this, I don't trust that. And I think that that's a huge red flag. Going into a relationship with a a new guy and him immediately trying to separate your friendships is you know and even if you're with a woman too. Yeah, a woman doing the same thing is a major red flag. Yeah, if you're in a relationship and they're trying to separate the friendship or come in between the friendship and not trying at all to actually like understand who that person is, because maybe like the personalities don't click, you know. Like that's I think that that's happened with us before, you know, like maybe my personality hasn't like actually clicked with a couple of your friends, but I still I I I first liked you, yeah, and I can still appreciate your friendship with them, and I would never come in between that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Especially if it's a friend that you've known before we started dating or before you even knew me. You know, that's like totally, I feel like um I I have really no say in that.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah. Well, like I I think there has been maybe a situation where there was like a tiff with you and one of my friends, but it got squashed and like all my friends really love you. Yeah, you have some friends that I would say don't particularly like me, but I don't care. Because at the end of the day, who you choosing? Me, I already know that. I'm comfortable in that.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Yeah, sorry guys, she's getting chosen every single time. And I think that's And if you feel like I'm talking about you, then I'm talking about you. Yeah, I I don't know. I mean, that's the thing, too. I don't think any of my friends. Dislike you. I think that um you just have a very vibrant personality. I'm a lot.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

I can understand I'd be a turnoff to some people. And I I acknowledge that and I wear it as a badge of honor.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

But you know what? I don't care what anybody thinks.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Sometimes I wish you were more critical of me because you could be like, button your shit up. You can't say crazy stuff like that to people.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Every time I try to say that to you, you'd deny it.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

That's not true. I'm very open to criticism and I'm great at feedback.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Um, but I I do think that this is an issue of a situation because you truly cannot, like I said earlier, you can't cultivate a deep, meaningful friendship with a woman that is hyper male-centered. There's no way. No, it's true. Because at the end of the day, a woman that overfocuses on men will sacrifice any relationship that she's built with any other woman in her life to accommodate the time or the energy or the space for a man. And uh I understand choosing your man over your friendships if it came to that, but choosing any man over your friendships is insane.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

And it shows that you're not emotionally regulated, you're not emotionally intelligent, and that the depth of friendships and the the value that relationships can provide, whether they're platonic or romantic, doesn't really matter to you. You just want somebody to fill and occupy space so that you don't have to think about whatever it is that you're going through. So to me, I can't be friends with people who are just like obsessed with men, always talking, like and like we're girls, we talk about men, but on the other side of it, you can't be friends with somebody who's constantly jealous of your relationships, or yeah, maybe not jealous of your relationship, but jealous of the time that you're spending with that other person.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

And you know, it's a great guy. Like you said, like you should put your man first, yeah, but not any man. Like you should put a guy that's worth it. And if your friend is just a jealous hater, then that's also that can happen too. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

So I didn't think this is a very interesting story, but the nerve of this girl to say, Oh, my boyfriend just said that you're in love with me. Why? Because she's mask, what a stupid thing to say. Yeah. Like just to assume that because you have a friend who is gay and you're not gay, that they love you or that they have some sort of affinity towards you in a romantic way is just such a, I think, heteronormative concept of self-obsession. And there are so many people who are like, I can't be around gay people because they might have a crush on me. They got a type. What makes you think that they're, you know, that you're their type? So that type of small-minded thinking is such a turnoff. And the fact that she's been friends with this girl since I think she said middle school, and she's always been boy crazy, it makes me curious to know what's happening in the home of this like boy crazy friend. Because maybe she didn't have a dad present, maybe she didn't have a lot of validation growing up. And so she sees that in men. But I don't think that you're a bad friend for not for no longer befriending this girl. I do know that it's a hard decision to make though, because you do feel responsible for people that you've known since you were a kid. And it's like, damn, I want us to both win. I feel like I'm leaving you behind.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

And so, your mindset's like, I would never put my partner before you. So why are you doing this to me?

SPEAKER_01 25:13

It's I think that she I think that she will over time develop some sort of survivor's guilt from the friendship, not in like a mortality way, like she's past or whatever, but more so like, wow, this relationship went left and now he hits her.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

And if you know, maybe I think it could escalate to that. Yeah, hopefully it doesn't get as toxic as that.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

If he's gonna change her body and suggest changes to her body within six months, he'll hit her.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Psycho shit.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

I just think that's crazy. I just think that's crazy, but I do understand the pressure.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

In a way, of like you have you're willing to put them under a needle or under a knife scalpel, yeah, you know, with like no thought. You're just like, yeah, but you'll have some big old tits after, you know, sandbag tits. Yeah, you have some clown sandbag tits, but um, but just just not showing any remorse for you know if something could possibly happen, you know.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah, and I I think too that it does make sense to me that you would feel like a bad friend. I've had friendships where we've fallen out over girlfriends and boyfriends and things like that. Like, you know, my best friend who I love to this day and we're still really close. I was dating this guy and he was abusive. He never hit me, but he would like trap me in the house and prevent me from leaving and would like slam me against walls and doors and be like, if you leave me, I'm gonna go crazy. And when I broke up with him, he would stalk me and he would try to find his way to my house. I mean, he knew where I lived, but like he would try to catch me at home before I went to work. I ended up having to tell the people that I worked with at the job I had at the time, which was like the Cheesecake Factory, um, not in California. And I was like, Hey, I have this situation where this guy I broke up with is stalking me. I carried a bat in my car because I thought that he'd run up on me, you know. And while I was dating him, she was like, This is such a terrible situation for you. Please get out of this, please leave him. And I was just like, I don't think it's that big of a deal. And so she broke off our friendship. She was like, I can't watch you do this. And that hurt me because I was like, girl, I'm the one that's being abused. How you make this about you? But I think now that I'm older, I do understand where she was coming from more. Where it's like, if you're not gonna listen to my counsel and if you're not gonna listen to me try to have your best interest in mind, I cannot sit here idly and watch you put yourself in the line of fire for somebody that does not have your safety or best interest in mind.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

So I do understand where put yourself in danger. Yeah. And then, like I said before, it's it's kind of like putting her in danger in a way, too. If she's gonna be around you and this guy's stalking you, yeah, you know what I mean? Like she's potentially in danger as well.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

So that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

I don't think that you're a bad friend at all. I think that you did what you had to do for yourself, and this girl don't even sound like she values your friendship.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

Nah, she doesn't. She all she cares about is these asshole guys.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Tossing you to the wayside for new tits, brown hair, and a guy she's dated for six months is insane.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

So, I mean, I wish her safety and not getting physically abused, but this guy seems like that's the pipeline. So, unfortunately, hopefully that's not the case. If you do still care about her and you find out that that happens, do not feel uh hesitant to contact authorities because that would be the right thing to do. And you don't have to be friends with her to keep her best interest in mind or protect her.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

That's a good point. So got another one?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

We got one more.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

All right.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Okay, this one's crazy. Let me get my little let me. If y'all can't tell, I had to take out my retainer. That was driving me insane. I don't talk as much anymore now that I've had the retainer. Yeah, I like barely yap now around the house. Grant loves it, it's complete silence. And the only time it's quiet in the house is when I get mad at Grant and I go, I'm gonna go radio silent. If I don't feel like I'm being listened to or if he's getting on my nerves, I go, radio silence, radio silence, and I just go quite.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Yeah, she threw me to be quiet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Which is his piece or whatever. But I had to take I had to take the retainer out because I was just like it drive me crazy. Anyway, sip of wine and let's get back into it. All right, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Okay, this one's crazy, and it's another DL story. My boyfriend's boyfriend wants to fight me. Y'all read that right.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

So I had been with my man for about three years. Well, he's my ex now. Granted, our first year, we were on again, off again because of lying and cheating on both sides. At the time, we weren't ready for commitment, so we broke things off. I went extreme no contact, no talking, no contact. I deleted his number, blocked him, no IG, the whole thing. Almost two years later, we crossed paths again on a random night out. He approached me and told me I was looking good. I said, duh, the fuck you expect. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

He's like, Can I borrow that? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Okay. Duh, TFU expect.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

I DKY, I said that. It was just the first thing to come to mind. And honestly, he was looking good too. We spent the whole night talking, and he was telling me about how he tried to call and get in touch with me but couldn't, and that he missed me. Mind you, we have enough friends in common that if he really wanted to connect, he could have. But anyway, we ended up talking again, going on a few dates, and boom, we were back together. And honestly, it was way better this time. We had both grown so much. We both had new jobs that we loved, and everything felt happy for once. Before we became official again, we made a promise to each other that we'd never cheat. And it was genuinely something I thought we both meant. One night he invited me and my friends to a night out at the club. We usually don't club like that, so I thought it'd be cute to go. I got done up and met everybody at the spot. He brought some of his single friends for my single friends. It was supposed to be a whole cute thing. I thought we were kind of playing matchmaker. While we were waiting in line to get in, some random guy I had never met before comes running over to us in line, wave waving at my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

No shade, but just very bouncy. I don't know how else to explain it. But y'all get what I'm saying. His excitement to see my man was really weird.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

My boyfriend seemed all nervous and introduced this guy, let's call him Gary, to the group. I waved and said hi, and he gave me one of those stank eyes, rolled his eyes and said hi, like he was being forced to say it. I'm like, okay. So I guess it's like a hi. Ugh, you know? Got it. Anyway, the two of them walked out of line to talk, and the whole time everything felt off, but I wasn't the only one who thought so. When he finally came back, his friends were clowning him, and he said Gary was some crazy dude he used to be friends with back in high school.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Typical. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

I ignored it and didn't really think about it again until months after that. And honestly, that was my first mistake. Over the next few weeks, he started getting a lot of weird texts. And when he would spend the night at my apartment, he'd get up off the couch or out of bed anytime he got a text. So obviously, I became suspicious. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Super sus.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Super sus. I ended up asking him about it, and he told me the truth that it was Gary, that he's going through bad mental health issues and needs someone to talk to because my boyfriend was scared he would hurt himself. I thought this was nice of him, but also weird. He never was the kind of guy to hang around people who were different. He was always outwardly weird about people who were gay. I don't care about what anybody wants to do. I got gay family and friends. That's never been a problem for me.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

But he always talked about how gay men are weird and could never and he could never be friends with one, which he would randomly say, even out of nowhere. But then all of a sudden, here's Gary.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

The point. And you taking his phone calls and worried about his health. Like that's just not adding up for me. But I thought, okay, maybe he's growing wrong in all caps.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

I ended up going through his phone one night when we went to go pick up some food and he had left it in the car. I saw the messages between him and Gary. And y'all, when I tell you I felt sick, all I saw was these nasty sex about what they wanted to do to each other. And how my boyfriend would tell Gary he misses him and loves him and wants to be with him, but I have him trapped. And then it says, trapped with a at his big age of 27. How?

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

We don't even live together. And I have my own place and my own money. They were sending nudes to each other: booty pics, D picks, pics of them cuddling everything. My jaw was on the floor. When he got back to the car, he could tell something was wrong, but I just sat there quiet and sick as fuck. When we finally got back to his place, I went inside calmly, grabbed all my stuff, and got into my car. When he was asking me what I was doing, I just kept telling him, I'm sorry, I gotta go. Like this man owns a gun and has a temper. I seen way too many crime docs to call him out on being DLC.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Yeah, seriously. Yeah, that's what a good move. Smart move.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

That is a good move. I shouldn't be laughing.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

No, that's a smart movie. No, but that's smart. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Okay. Um, when he asked me what I was doing, I just kept saying, I'm sorry, I gotta go. Like this man owns a gun and has a temper. I seen way too many crime docs to call him out on being DL before I am safely in my vehicle and on my way the fuck home. I finally get in my car. He stands at my door and tries asking me what's wrong. So I broke out into tears and finally told him. And I don't know how I could even describe the look on his face, but let's just say it was smart for me to get in my car first because his energy immediately switched so quick.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

He started screaming about how I could go through his phone, and I just drove off while he was begging me not to tell nobody.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Yeah. See, that's where it gets dangerous. Where it's like, you better not tell anybody. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

I and I just we'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

I get to my house and call my best friend and tell her everything. Not even 30 minutes later, there's a crazy knock at my door. It was my boyfriend and Gary. Gary was screaming that I was a bitch, crazy, telling me to come outside so he can fight me. And then in all caps, it says, I am not about to come outside to fight a man over a man.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

But why is he trying to fight you? Like, doesn't he want you guys to break up? He's mad that you broke up with him. What's happening?

SPEAKER_01 35:09

I okay, we'll talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

We'll get there.

SPEAKER_01 35:12

We'll talk about that. We'll talk about that. Yeah. Put a pen in that because that's a good point. My boyfriend was sending me crazy texts about how I better not tell anybody and that Gary will fuck me up if I do.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Oh my god. I'm gonna sit Gary on you.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

All I can think about is Spongebob, Gary the Snail.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

Yeah, Gary is such a strange name.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

No, no, no. That's the that's the alias name.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Oh, this isn't the actual name. No! Gary is such a random name.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

No, okay. Whenever somebody says, let's call them whatever, I always just assume that that could be their possible real name. So then I change it to a name. Okay so I chose the name Gary randomly. Because like she she called him a different name, and I was like, what if that's actually his name?

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

So like whenever people I just I just think it's safer to do it that way.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Such a funny name. I just imagine, I'm sorry. I just imagine this sassy gay black guy. I'm Gary. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Like Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

My name's Gary. All right, Gary.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Okay. Um, my boyfriend was sending me crazy, my boyfriend, who's my ex now, was sending me crazy texts about how I better not tell anybody and that Gary will fuck me up if I do. Like, no sorry, no nothing, just threats. I ended up calling the police and they left before the cops came. Weeks after that, he would reach out to me asking to fix things.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Man. Psychosis. Yeah, how do you fix that?

SPEAKER_01 36:32

Sweating. This story got me sweating. Weeks after that, he would reach out to me asking me to fix things. There was nothing to fix. You promised you wouldn't cheat on me, and then you did, in all caps, with a man. Damn. That's crazy to me.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

I texted him back and said, go be happy with Gary.

unknown 36:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

Y'all deserve each other. And if you ever contact me again, I will be getting law enforcement involved. The that was the last time I talked to him. And before anyone asked, yes, I got tested. That's a good point. Before anyone asked, yes, I got tested, and I'm all good. Thank God. Thank you for sharing my story. And ladies, if you feel like your man is hiding something, he probably is.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Yeah, good point. Whoa, why'd you look at me like Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

No, no, no. It's not because I think you're hiding something, it's just like that story is insane.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

That was crazy. Wow. Yeah, a lot to unpack there.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Um, there's so many more people DL than you would expect.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

I know that's really interesting. Like, but I was I was um what was I bringing up before of why is he so upset? Why is he trying to fight her because she's breaking up with him?

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Yeah, okay. That's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

So I used to follow this guy on Instagram. I just thought he was like kind of interesting and he had beautiful teeth.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

He looks like gay Playboy Cardi. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

He does. Yeah. And I ended up unfollowing him because it was just, it felt negative, very negative all the time. Yeah. Whatever. I don't want no smoke with him. Please don't come for me, sir. Um, but he would make content that was telling women what to look for and men who are DL.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

But it's a little dangerous there. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Like, I think it's well, he did get into a lot of issues like with people online.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

I was like, oof, I just feel like if your entire content is surrounded around calling out straight guys, calling them gay, you're gonna get some wrong. He's saying, like, this guy's probably DL, right? Like he's kind of calling it out.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

I don't want to go too deep into what his content is because I'm not yeah, yeah, you know, that's what he does. We don't want to smoke. That's what he does. We're just talking about what he does. And so um, in a lot of his content, he would be like, These are the signs that a man is DL. Yeah, yeah. Do I think this man is DL? Yes. Here are the reasons why, you know. So he'd make content like that. And I'm pretty sure this was his page. Something that he said, he was like, There are a lot of men who love dating DL men because they love dating straight men.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

And so I guess there's like this intersection between being fully like gay, out, yeah, being fully out as gay and being straight and being DL. So there's like some sort of intersectionality there where if you're DL, you're still looked at in the community as straight.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

And there are gay men who like to pursue DL men because they get the aggressiveness of a straight man is what I that is what I deciphered.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Masculine gay man or something.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Yeah, I mean, like that's what he said.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, but I know there's a thing of like there's gay guys that like straight guys. Like there's like a lot of people. Yeah, that's exactly what he was saying. Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

He was saying that there's like this kind of um subculture in the gay community where they actively pursue men who are straight, gotcha, and that they are competing against women for those straight men, and that there's something that is enjoyable about that dynamic. This is not all gay men, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

And so he's like, I'm gonna fight for him, I'm gonna fight her for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

Because because he, I guess Gary wanted to preserve his secret.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

Because, like, you know, if this guy is outed, yeah, is he gonna keep messing with Gary? Probably not. He's probably gonna up and move to a new city. That's okay. Gary's trying to protect his D. His DLD.

SPEAKER_00 40:18

His DLD.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

So Gary's trying to protect his D.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

So again, like I do want to say this is not all gay people who are like actively pursuing straight people, but apparently it's like a it's like a thing.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

And so that's what he was saying. And so that's why I think that Gary is like, number one, this my man, girl. Number two, he's gonna get out of Dodge if he is outed, because that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

So he was pretty much probably like, if you out him, I'm gonna beat your ass. That's what I got from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

Is if you out him, I will literally beat your ass, which is crazy. I when when men, I don't care what their orientation is, if you threaten to fight a woman, that's insane. That is insane. You're crazy. Yeah, and the authority should be called on you. And if she has a little piece, a little strap strap, don't be bad.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Who is she going to out him to?

SPEAKER_01 41:09

Just like oh my god, anyone their friends, like her friends, and then that can turn into a whole thing where all her friends are telling people she could easily just get on Instagram and be like, Oh, well, actually Gary and my ex tried to threaten me with murder.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

And he did the whole high school thing of like, oh yeah, he was uh I grew up with him, you know. Yeah, yeah, he did that.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

So we don't know how he met Gary.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

But yeah, I I think that that's a very dangerous situation to be in. And then if you are with a if you're with somebody and you suspect that they live any kind of double life, do your research. Don't let anybody make you feel bad about going through their phone when you have a hunch. Go through their phone.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

And I think it's so obvious, like these people, it's so hard, especially nowadays, to live a double life because you have to work so much, you have to do all of these things to just like pay the freaking bills. Like, how the hell are you sustaining a second life nowadays? You know, how are you making that work?

SPEAKER_01 42:12

It's so confusing.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

There will be things that fall through the cracks that you will see and you should pursue them.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

There are some times you just really don't know what your partner is up to.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

And there have been some listener letters where we've read them and people are going through somebody else's phone.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

And we'll get comments from men being like, well, that's what you get for going through his phone. What?

SPEAKER_00 42:33

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

That's insane to me. Yeah. So you're telling me that I deserve to have my whole world fall apart because my man was hiding something and I found out he was hiding something for going through his phone. I'm the bad guy because I found out he was hiding something because I didn't respect his privacy.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

I don't, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with going through your partner's phone.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

Do you go through my phone?

SPEAKER_00 42:54

I have before.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

I go through your phone.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

I've I've gone through, I've done a little swipe through while you were sleeping. Really? Recently? I've done it before. Yeah, I do. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like I go to the street of times. You're like a whole thing of like you you pull up my phone in front of me and you're like, let's see what's going on in your world. Is it anything crazy? I'm like, no, it's the same old boring stuff.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Yeah. And if you don't have anything to hide, that's not weird.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

That's what I'm saying. If you have nothing to hide, it's not weird.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Like you go through your man's phone, Grant. You you know that Asia goes through your phone. I watch Grant take shits.

SPEAKER_00 43:31

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

But yeah, I mean, it's we've seen each other do everything.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Yeah, that's that's a huge red flag to me. People who try to watch him. People who try to reverse that.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

I've seen him.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

People who try to reverse that of saying, Oh, you're the problem for going through the phone. Why do you why don't you trust me? Why don't you trust me? I don't know. Tell me why I don't trust you because you're acting shady.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:49

Because there's things that I'm noticing, because I'm an aware person and I think you're acting shady. So I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna get evidence if there is something wrong.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

Like there's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Nothing wrong with it. If you find out something from your partner and anybody says, Well, why'd you go through your phone? Drop them like a hot potato. If you have a friend and you're like, oh, I think like my man's cheating on me, and then you find out he is because you went through his phone and your friend says, Well, why'd you go through his phone? Drop them.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

Because that is a red flag. They will always find a way to blame you, and then you'll find a way to blame yourself. Because at the end of the day, if you went through somebody's phone and it confirmed every suspicion that you had about them, you are not wrong for doing your due diligence to make sure that you're protecting your investment and your life and in and your health. Because people who cheat on you, they will put your health, they will put your health and your life in danger. I don't care. Like somebody, especially somebody that's cheating on you raw, they will put your life in danger.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

That's literally health at danger.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

To me, that's like driving a car at 90 miles an hour with no seatbelt on and then slamming on the brakes. Yeah. Like that's just that's just not something you can't be with somebody like that. Because somebody cheating is one thing. I will cheating is one thing, but to cheat and have sex with somebody else raw is a completely different violation to me. I just think that like you don't you already showed me that you don't care about me. You don't care about loyalty, you don't care about my my safety, you don't respect me as your partner, yeah, and you're selfish. But beyond that, you have totally disregarded my physical health. That is insane. Yeah. And if anybody cheats on you, drop them. But if they cheat on you raw, double drop them and ruin their life.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

Okay, don't ruin their life, double drop them and ruin their life.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Don't ruin their life.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

No, that that's that is a safety hazard. Yeah, that's really it's insane. It's dangerous. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

I just think that if you're willing to cheat on somebody fully raw, like you're the dirtiest type of person out there and you really can't be trusted.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

You're just terrible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Cheating can't be trusted, raw, can't be trusted. Long story short, um, this was not a good representation of Pride Month.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Yeah, I feel like what was she asking for any advice there? She said, No, she just said she was just sharing. Yeah, she she knew right away. She's like, I'm done with this.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

It seemed like it was kind of like um an advice to other people because she said, ladies, um, if you feel like your man is hiding something, he probably is. So I'd be curious to know, like anybody drop a comment. Drop a comment because I'd be curious to know how do you know when somebody is hiding something? How do you know when your man is hiding something, when your girl is hiding something? What are the signs?

SPEAKER_00 46:29

I think the biggest sign is kind of like that person who's like, Why do you want to look through my phone? Being cagey with phone. Why do you want to look through my phone? Cagey with your phone.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

Being cagey with your location.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

Yep, cagey with the location.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Because we share locations.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

I mean, it's so obvious. You know what I mean? It really is obvious. I think there's some people who don't want to see it. Like, especially nowadays with social media and technology, you know what's going on. Yeah, some people, yeah, don't want to see it. But I I would say, you know, figure out that passcode, check it out. If there's nothing in there, then you can sleep better at night.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

Use that biometric if you sleep.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

Yeah, yeah. Put it in his phone.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

I don't think that works, though. I think your eyes have to be open. I gotta try it. Let me try it right now. Ladies, let's do some science. Let's figure out if you can open up somebody's phone without your eyes. Ready? Here's mine.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Let's see. Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

Okay, it worked because I was looking at it. Now let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 47:20

Eyes closed.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

Did it work?

SPEAKER_00 47:21

No.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

It didn't work.

SPEAKER_00 47:23

Didn't work.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

You need their eyes together. It has to be awake. So you take their eyes and you peel them back like this.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

Clockwork orange them.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Yeah, clockwork give them a little clockwork orange. Let's see. Wait.

SPEAKER_00 47:33

Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

That worked.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

There it is.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

So now you know how to do it.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

But um, I think that's gonna wrap it up for this. Do you have anything else you want to say?

SPEAKER_00 47:43

Um you know what?

SPEAKER_01 47:45

I will say, I am so happy that she had the foresight to go and get tested.

SPEAKER_02 47:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

And and it's not that, oh, he slept with a man. I should go get I should go get tested because he slept with a man. No, you should get tested anytime your partner steps out on you.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

I don't care if it's uh who, I don't care who it is.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

I I think that there's this added level of urgency to check your um STD status when you find out your man is DL or you know, if they sleep with women or men or whatever, then there's like this, oh my God, they slept with a gay person. I have to go get tested. You should do that with anyone. It should not just be triggered by through in you. It should not just be triggered in you to go get tested because your man was cheating on you with a man.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

If he cheated on you with a woman, you should have immediately gone to go get tested as well. Even before you have any sexual contact with somebody, you should get tested. Yeah, we didn't do any nasty stuff, yeah, unprotected before we got until we got tested. I was just not having it.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

I'm just like I know that was yeah, that that was like uh just such a smart way to do it.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

You know, what'd you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 48:53

I mean, it it's great having that peace of mind, you know. I know it's scary, it's always scary like doing something like that, getting tested, things like that. But having that reassurance with your partner, it just feels so good.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

Yeah, and have them show you their documents. A lot of people, they're like, oh, in order for us to have sex, we have to go get tested. What were your results? Mine were good. What were your results? Mine were good, but you don't show each other results. Y'all need to be exchanging paper if you're gonna be exchanging bodily fluids, okay? Let's be honest, let's be real, let's be safe, you know? So that that would probably be my wrap up. If you're gonna hook up with somebody, get tested always. Yeah, if you have an inkling that somebody's on something sus, go through their phone, yeah, go through their wherever they hide their files. That's the go back to the hospital they were born at and ask for their freaking blood work. I don't care what you gotta do, find out.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

So if you look through their phone or something and you find like some porn or something, oh that's not a big deal, then don't obviously don't come after them for something like that. If they're doing something more sinister, like if you see some really insane pictures or something like that, then always at the end of the day, always be safe.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

And I'm happy that she called the authorities instead of trying to handle that on her own. Um, and I think it's really great advice to to if you have a worry or concern that your partner is hiding anything, whether it be their sexuality, whether it be their finances, whether it be their narcissism, another partner that they're cheating on you with, figure it out means.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

Yeah, just for your own peace of mind.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

And don't let anybody make you feel bad for going through somebody's stuff when you're trying to figure out what the truth is if it directly affects you.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

I mean, if you're a hyper paranoid person, then you should probably check yourself. You should probably do that, yeah. But if you're, you know, a normal person and you just are like, this guy's sketchy. Yeah. Let me check this out just to make sure. There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

Okay. Well, all right, guys.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Sorry, Pride Month. This was not a good representation.

SPEAKER_00 51:00

Probably wasn't a good representation. And I was like, oh my god, it's Pride.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

I didn't think about that. So I feel terrible about saying that because this is not a representation of all gay people.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

But this obviously, yeah, it obviously doesn't represent all gay people.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

And I hate to be this person, but I have a lot of important gay people in my life, and I would hate for them to think that like this is what we think about. This is just this isn't what we think.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

These are just stories we shared.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

And these are kind of the only gay stories we had.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

So send us more happy gay stories, guys. The hell send us some positive coming out stories. Send us some happy, some happy stuff.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

Yeah. Okay. All right, guys. Thanks for watching.

SPEAKER_01 51:35

Okay, y'all. That's gonna be it. We have officially launched our dating show applications. It's gonna be in the link in this description. And no, it's not just for hetero people, it's for everyone. So if you're queer, if you're straight, go ahead and apply to the link. That's gonna be in the description here. It's also in all of our bios. We would love to have you guys on the show. You'll know more about it pretty soon. And uh, if you have a listener letter that you want to send us, that's also in the description here. Yep, and also in all of our bios on socials. We love you, besties, so much. Thank you for these crazy stories. We hope that you ladies are safe. Be safe because this was pretty crazy one. All right, besties. Bye. Peace.