Dad, I'm Dating a White Guy

OK besties, in this episode we're answering a long standing question that many of you have asked what does my family specifically my Dad think of me dating a white guy? So our special guest is none of them my Dad, Michael and I sit down with him and a one-on-one conversation.

We get into everything from meeting Grant the first time, to his expectations of me dating, and on top of that I read him some of the hate comments that I receive for dating a white guy. And trust me these aren't even the worst of them.

If you're in an interracial relationship or have questions about interracial relationships, hopefully, this episode helps you answer some of those.

Feel free to chime in! 

-Aja

Besties, let us know what y'all think on this one!

-Grant & Aja

Transcript

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SPEAKER_03 0:00

Good job. You found a cracker that doesn't really like you, who will pay your bills. And that's why black men leave you black women. Sorry, that type of attitude, that's why you get left, but then you guys want to complain that we're leaving you for another race.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I don't want to hear anymore because it's starting to get me angry.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

When I started dating a white guy, what was that like for you?

SPEAKER_01 0:18

It made me kind of concerned that is Grant being rebellious and dating a black woman, maybe he's acting out some level of rebellion.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

It has been hard dating interracially.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Why?

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Well, multiple reasons. We're gonna talk about you, dating the whites. We're gonna talk about you, dating the whites. Okay, guys, that's the intro for this podcast episode because my name is Asia Corinne, and I'm here with my daddy. Yay, Michael, yay! And today in this episode, we're gonna talk about me, dating the whites. So we're gonna have Grants in the background clapping. So we are doing a very interesting episode today, and it's fully about interracial dating and what it is like for my, obviously, black father to be having a daughter who is obviously black daughter, dating an obviously white man. We do get a lot of questions about what it's like dating interracially. I have had a few people reach out and ask, like, what's it like family dynamic-wise, introducing him to your family, X, Y, and Z. So we're gonna get into it, but also we're gonna be reading some of the hate comments that I received for dating a white man. Okay. You guys, you ready? Buckle up, babies. Dad, how you doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Doing great, my daughter.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Are you excited to talk about interrace dating? Um race mixing?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Let's do it. Okay, so my first question ever is when you met Grant, he wasn't my boyfriend at the time?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

Oh, he was my boyfriend when I met him? I don't remember. We were friends first.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

We were friends for a while. Okay. So when I started dating a white guy, what was that like for you?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

It was different, but uh not shocking.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah, so um, but it was different because you know, I've never really dated anybody white, and so to see you bring a white man home, it was a little different.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Okay, was what do you mean not shocking? Because I never thought I'd be with a white guy. That was like not on. Well, now that I think about it, when I was in the third grade, I had this binder for math class, and it was just plastered with Channing Tatum because I've always had a crush on him. Channing hit me up. Just kidding, it's too late you missed your chance. I'm with a better man, Grant. That's you. Um, but yeah, I guess like now that I think about it, my first real crush was Channing Tatum. So maybe I should have known. But I didn't think, like growing up that I would date a white guy. So when you say shocking, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Well, you know, um as a black parent, you sort of instinctively think that your children are gonna come home with somebody that's close to their complexion. And so when you brought Grant, when I first met Grant, it was a little different. Um, but he doesn't translate as white to me. And it's the oddest thing. I mean, so it's not like, oh, you you you bring home Todd, yeah, you know, and so it wasn't that with the little vest and the Argyle sweater tied around his neck and stuff. But Grant doesn't translate to white. It's the oddest thing. I don't look at him as oh, he's a oh yeah, you brought home a white boy. That would that wasn't it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 3:49

That's not the first time somebody has said that to me. I've had multiple friends where they'll be like, oh yeah, it's a people of color only gig or event, blah, blah. And they go, but you can bring Grant. And I'm like, Grant's white. And they go, not to us. Yeah, I have so many friends that say that. They say, they say, what is it that they say, Grant? They say, um, what is it that they say? I have so many homies who are like, yeah, but Grant's not like white. Grant is Grant, and it's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

And I think the beauty, the beauty uh thing about it, the beautiful thing about it is that he doesn't try to be black.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

He his vernacular, like, hey, none of that. He's just him. And that just is it's the oddest thing ever.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

That's the thing they say. You just reminded me. They say Grant's not a white guy, he's just a guy that happens to be white, which I don't know what that means, but I've had so many of my friends say that. But go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

I think it would have been a turnoff had you know, had a hey dad, what's going on, bro? That'd be like using the black vernacular. But this cat is he's who he is.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

And that's why there's there's a certain authenticity to who he is. So he doesn't translate twice, it doesn't translate black, which makes him, you know, assimilate any kind of situation. It didn't, it didn't shock me.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Yeah. Okay. And that's actually something that's very interesting to me, is not even interesting, but something I very much appreciate. I see that there's a lot of people who are dating interracially online, and good for them, but there's this small niche of men, these they're white guys, and they try to assimilate to blackness and they do all the things that they think black guys do, you know, like with the fade, and they try to get the white people waves going on, and then they do the beard thing. And I just don't think that's cool. That's not cool. I think it's so weird when people date white guys who act like they're pretending to be black guys. It's like just date a black guy or a white guy, you know. It's so weird when they try to put on this performance of like being a hip and being a cool white dude because it's obvious I date black women versus just being like a white dude. It's fine for you to be a white dude, bro. And one thing I really appreciate about Grant is that he doesn't tokenize me. And I do see some content with these types of white guys, particularly online. I do see where they're just like, my black queen, black, black, black everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 6:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

And for me, if Grant was constantly toting me around as like the carrot on stick of, oh my God, look at me. I have a black girlfriend, I have a black wife, whatever, that'd be very embarrassing to me. Like, don't use me as something that's trying to make you be impressive to other people. And so I see that a lot. But in our relationship, it has been hard dating interracially. And I really well, multiple reasons. The first reason I think it's been difficult for Grant and I to date interracially is because I am phenotypically a hundred percent unmistakably black and I'm dark skinned. And I think the the further proximity you have from whiteness, the more you get judged for being with a white person. Like if I had a white parent and I was mixed and I looked mixed, people wouldn't judge me so harshly for dating a white guy because they see me as more um relevant to whiteness or in closer proximity to whiteness. But because I'm essentially the polar opposite of whiteness, there has there's a lot of um, there is a lot of it's not the word excuses. I can't think of the word right now, but um people have to cope with the idea of me dating a white guy. So they end up having to like dismantle who I am in order to understand why I would date a white guy. And so because I have a different, well, not right now, I guess, but with the braids, I always have braids. They're blonde, I have the long nails, I'm doing like the whole thing. A lot of people don't see that as something that white guys desire. So they uh men, a lot of men, see me as like this black baby mama who got with a white guy because he could provide for her and give her good credit. You have no idea how many times I've heard that online, and it's like my credit being good, solo, you know. Um, and so that was really difficult for me. And I think when I first started dating Grant, it I was worried about the public perception of dating a white guy. I was super, super nervous because I didn't want people to think that I was dating a white guy because I hated myself as a black person, or I hated black men. And ironically enough, black men on the internet can't speak for all of them, assume that I hate them because I'm dating a white man. Or they'll say things to me like, um, the reason the only reason you're dating a white man is because no black man wanted you. And again, this is not all black men, but this is a large portion of my comments whenever I make people angry, is they always resort to being like, Oh, well, you got you a basic white man, and none of us want you because you're too masculine and you're basically a dude, and uh we want feminine women, so good. Thank you for taking out the trash. So I do want to read to you some of the comments I've received for dating a white guy.

SPEAKER_04 9:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Okay, you ready? You date white men. We're not taking no advice from you. What do you think about that one?

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Well, I think that um anybody who would say that doesn't have a reverence for the power of a black woman. And when this guy says that, and I feel that a lot of guys who bash black women, it's more, it's less they don't like black women, but it's more about how they view themselves. And you know, with the strength of a black woman comes a some le comes a level of intimidation. And and most people are intimidated by strength, no matter what the scenario is. If people are intimidated by somebody who's strong financially, maybe strong physically, there's a level of intimidation, but that intimidation is proportional to their lack of self-esteem. And so for him to say that or to means that there's some level of regret that he feels that he could not become the person that you would be attracted to. And so sometimes it's easier easier to default, oh, you're just with a white guy when the truth of the matter is she would never be interested in me.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

That is such a fact. One something that I notice very often in our comment section is when the men get mad at me for dating a white man, it's very much like good riddance. We're so glad we have you off of our hands. And then they'll try to say things to me like, call me ugly or like I said, uh aggressive or unattractive or whatever it is. And I find that they're really just mad that I'm dating a white man. Because if they thought that they call me ugly, sometimes they call me ugly, but if they thought that I was ugly, they would say different things. And I've seen it in other people's comments, right? Where they tell me stuff like, oh, you're too aggressive, you're not feminine enough, and that's why you're with a white man, but they don't really say you're ugly and none of us wanted you. That would be a different conversation. I find that people have a hard time, men have a hard time reconciling why I would be with a white guy. So they try to make assumptions about him and his personality and then make assumptions about me as well. And that doesn't really piss me. It does annoy me because it's like, you guys are so obsessed with me. Grow up. But they'll say things like, oh, look at him. Of course, he's he just wants some black flesh, or they'll try to reduce me into like the sexual being that Grant is just having a good time with, versus um, honoring our relationship for what it is because they're upset with something that I've said that goes against their constitution. So I had this video where I was talking about how pregnant women should not pay rent. If you want to have a family with a woman and you can't afford to make sure that she's not going like out of her way to pay bills, she could work if she wants to work. But I don't believe that pregnant women should pay rent. That's my ideology that is sustainable for my relationship when we get to that point. But a bunch of men were saying things like, oh, who does she think she is? A white woman? Only, oh, this is the way white women think, as if luxury treatment is only reserved for white women. And I just think that that's a really um negative and detrimental ideology overall. And because I'm black, our community is predominantly black. So our podcast is a predominantly black podcast, and so our interactions are black. And so those comments are the majority of black and uh black men and women. And there are a few black men in the comments making it known that this is an expectation that only white women should have of their men, or who do I think I am as a black bitch to think that I could um expect something like that from my partner. And so there's some other comments I do want to read, and then we'll just kind of get all of them in together. So, and that's why black men leave you black women. Sorry, that type of attitude, that's why you get left, but then you guys want to complain that we're leaving you for another race. Black women are the least married. Good job. You found a cracker that doesn't really like you who will pay your bills. Will a white lady say this? And I have a few more, and then that's why black women are the worst option.

unknown 13:41

Damn.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

It's always a black woman on these podcasts complaining about adulting and responsibilities. Black women will say anything but admit that they are all cheap ass bitches. Damn. There is no wife in the black American community to get involved with a black American woman is you signing up for your downfall, stay away from them and let them go. This is why you don't breed with this is why you don't breed with black bitches, unless your goal in life is to have the worst go at life possible.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

And then uh that's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah, I don't want to hear anymore.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Yeah, because it's starting to get me angry.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

And then they would and then, you know, of course they say things like, I bet she's fatherless, or they'll call me out of my name, like they'll call me a whore. I got called the C word recently, which was hilarious, because then when I tried to call that guy an idiot, Instagram was like, Are you sure you want to say this? This goes against our guidelines. And I was very confused because he spelled out the C word, but hey. And so um, those are some things that black women, especially those who are public-facing, like myself, who have a podcast, and I'm very um, I don't want to say that I'm aggressive, but I'm very forward with how I speak, and I am very determined in getting my point across. And that comes across as like aggressive or unable to be tamed. And so there's this ideology that I'm not strong enough to be with a black man and that only a white man would accept me because essentially I am a rebound from the community. And so that has initially that was really hard for me to deal with. Uh, it I don't care now because I know they're just a bunch of haters, not all black men, I'll say it a million times, but um, you know, I have realized that it is difficult being a dark-skinned black woman who is in a relationship with a white guy because a lot of people are trying to understand how it happens. And even still, there's so many interracial relationships online, but not a lot of people are talking about the interracial dynamic. So so many people still have questions about it. And we receive questions on like a weekly basis of how hard was it to date a white guy? How long have you guys been together? What were some of the hard points of it? And I would say definitely the hate that I received from the community was very difficult for me when we first kind of got serious and we were going out and doing things like around our third year. We would go out and men would hit on me on purpose to try to see how much of a man he was, to try to get him to prove his manhood. There's just one time in Vegas, this guy threatened to kill us, shoot us. It was insane. And um, so that was, I think, the hardest thing for me to reconcile because I hated feeling like I was a traitor because being black is the most important experience of my entire life. Like I really am so grateful to have been born a black woman. And to feel as though I'm a traitor was something that was very difficult for me to adjust to. Um, and I do think that people are comfortable saying these things to me because I am dark-skinned. Like, if I was light-skinned, people would be like, oh, that just makes sense, you know. Um, but what is your perspective on some of those comments that I've been receiving?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

I think that um I sort of have to separate it because as a father, I I'd like to kick their ass, and I'm sure most of them I can kick their ass. But looking at it objectively, and this is gonna sound f odd, but you should feel sorry for them. You should show pity for them because their lives, if they are spending this much time watching your podcast and spending time typing these things out, you know that they don't have a life, that their their lives are void, devoid of any kind of meaningful relationship. If they were in a happy relationship, they wouldn't they wouldn't give a damn about what you and Grant are doing. And when I say that you should feel sorry for them, I mean they they are staring directly into an abyss, they are falling into a void that can never be filled, and they realize that their lives, for the most part, are meaningless, and they can't say to you, they can't say to me what they want to say to you. And I'm sure you're gonna get some kind of feedback, but not not as much because they know I'm telling the truth. And as a black man, they know I'm telling the truth. Now, the the other side of that is, yeah, it is challenging to be with a black woman, but when you're in the presence of power, of authority, there is a humbling aspect to it. The other side of that is men who are are strong in their mindset, who feel good about where they are, and more importantly, who they are, it doesn't intimidate them. I personally revel in the presence of black women. I just love it. I've grown up, I've grown up with strong black women, my sisters are strong, the women I've dated and married are strong, you're strong. I revere that. And guys who don't is more of a reflection of their lack of self-esteem than it is about you dating Grant. And the other side of that is you made a point that if you were light-skinned, they probably wouldn't respond. And they may or may not be true, probably more true than not. But to me, I interpret that as them not liking to be black, then it they they have a aversion to being black, and a lot of that in their defense, which is why I say feel sorry for them, is a lot of cellular memory, you know that, and people don't understand the philosophy of cellular cellular memory, but it's it's real, it's true. So what their parents, their grandparents, their great-grandparents, their great-great-grandparents back going back to slavery, it was part of their indoctrination of being emasculated, being dominated, and having their wives or significant others torn from them to either serve as a belly warmer for the the white landowners or just being sold off to another slave trader. I think it all ties in. But when they're that mean-spirited, it's not a reflection of you. Yeah, it's a reflection of their self-hate or self-loathing. They just needed a vehicle to carry that out.

SPEAKER_03 20:41

Carry that out. Do you find personally that me dating a white guy means that I feel any type of way about you? That's a comment that we get a lot.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

She must not love her dad. Fatherless activity, your dad is probably so embarrassed. She hates being black because I'm dating a white guy.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

I don't think I never thought, you know, if it was, like I said, Todd or Jeffrey or some some little guy, you know, some little twerk Ivy Leaguer, then I would have felt different. I would have felt different. I would have felt, first of all, what have I done? Because I take responsibility on your behavior even as an adult. I'm I'm responsible for a lot of that. But I look at it as you made a good choice. You didn't make a safe choice. It's not hard dating somebody interracially, but you made a good choice. It's not hard dating somebody I mean, it's hard to date somebody. So you're going against the grain. But you made a good choice. And you're going against the grain as it relates to the optics, but you made a good choice because he makes you feel what? Safe. Safe emotionally. And that's one thing most relationships most couples never attain that level of safety, emotional safety.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

Did you ever feel Nervous about. I like that you brought up the Ivy Leaguer, right? And I have a cousin. I call her Kunicus Maximus. You can use that. I call her Kunicus Maximus because she's dating this white man. Well, she's married now. She's obsessed with like cops and the whole policing structure. She's very pro-ice, Republican type views. Who knows if she's actually Republican? I don't know. But she has conformed her entire life to revolving around the sphere of whiteness that she's now been adopted into. All of her bridesmaids at her wedding are white. She was told by her mother-in-law that her mom, black, my aunt, couldn't come to the wedding unless she turned down the ghetto, you know, and like that she had to whiten up essentially in order to come to this wedding. And I think that it's not that black women don't have access to or can't date Ivy League people, but it's really what Ivy League people represent, which is elitism, which is racial purity. And so I understand from that perspective, if I was to date a white guy whose sphere is entirely white, his family is entirely white and has been, and they don't have any proximity to people of color unless they're cleaning their houses or chauffeuring them around, that I think would definitely be concerning. Yeah. Because if the only people of color in your life are service workers, then you don't have any, you know, relationships with black people, Latino people, whatever it is. And that would be a red flag because I think that when you associate yourself with those types of uh racial dynamics as a black person, you're trying to further yourself away from black people in order to um associate with what you think is elevated or rich or wealth. And so I'm happy also that Grant is the type of white guy who has had black friends. Like I'm not the first black person he knows. And if that was the case, it would be very difficult for me to date him because I don't think that I would be able to be in a sustainable relationship personally with a white man who didn't have any black relationships or relationships that were non-white. But were you ever concerned with me as your daughter, of course, dating a white man and then having been introduced to his family? So, like the familial dialogue.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

I was nervous about that because you know Grant presented very well, but I didn't know how his parents would present. And then it made me kind of concerned that is Grant being rebellious and dating a black woman, and maybe his if his family were very conservative, maybe he's acting out some level of rebellion. And so after observing him for a while, I realized that's not the case. Wow. And there's a difference between dating a black for token purposes and dating out of rebellion. I'm gonna show you mom and dad. I'm gonna go get me with a, you know, get me, get with a, you know, person of color. And so nice to see yourself censoring yourself. It was a good save. But um, so yeah, I was concerned. I was concerned. And so the the only because generationally, you know, back 50, 60, 70, 80, 100 years ago, no matter I I loved, I love, you know, um, I love my niggas, negras, but I wouldn't want my daughter being, I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want my son to be with one, and heaven forbid if my daughter was attracted to one, the the the perception has gotten better for sure, that it level of acceptance has increased, but you still have people residual opinions related to that. I love them. I love I love black people as long as they don't date my daughter or my son doesn't date one of them. And so from Grant to answer your question succinctly, yeah, I was concerned about Grant's parents. I don't know them.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

I didn't know them at the time.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Yeah, yeah. So when you when you I had spoken to mommy about this um on another podcast episode about coming into a white family, dating a white man, and it felt as though because I grew up in a predominantly white area where all of the neighbors were constantly wondering how we could afford to live there, um, that does something to you. And it shows you that most white people have a hard time understanding how black people are making money if it's not associated with what black people are famous for, which is like basketball, football, rapping, music, and things of that nature, entertainment, essentially. And so I think that there was a difficulty with these neighbors trying to understand how we as black people were able to live amongst them, essentially, uh without necessarily being athletes. Because at that time, white people had a perception of all famous black people or black people with money are athletes. Now it's like athletes, entertainment, lawyers, like there's there's a lot of different aspects to it, but it used to just be the ideology of successful black people was athletes, and that was it. And um, you were in entertainment and mommy was in real estate, but um I that put that ingrained something into me that made me realize like when you show up to a predominantly white room, you have to almost as subtly as possible, but very clearly, make it known that you don't need to be here, and that I didn't need to be here. And so that was something that I felt like I had experience with Grant's family as I was understanding, like, okay, this is gonna be my life partner. I'm gonna date this guy. I never wanted them to think that they were doing me a favor by allowing their son to date me or them think that I'm trying to date their son to get something from him as a black person because again, like I didn't know what their perception of black people was. I have no idea. I don't, I don't think they have black people in their sphere, right? And so because of that, I wanted to make it very clear like I don't need this man. I love him, but I don't need him. I've been here, I've been here, I've never needed a cosign. I bought my own cars, I've done this, you know what I mean? All these things are in my name. And so I felt uh, I guess I could call it a pressure to have to be very clear about underscoring who I am, what I've done, and that I don't need access or proximity to whiteness to uh succeed. And I think that I don't know if there's a lot of other black women who are in relationships with white people uh who have felt that, but because it was so different from what I experienced um before, because I had never dated a white guy, it felt like a it did feel like a pressure for me to have to make it clear because growing up, I always had to make it clear that I'm here off of I hate to say it, but merit and not luck, because that was something that I I understood was very difficult for people to understand when I'm in the same rooms as them. It felt like it needed to be explained. Um, did you feel a similar way? Like I want to make it clear that this is who I am, this is what I provided for my daughter.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Yeah, see, uh yeah, getting back to that point, I didn't move in that neighborhood so I could be the only black guy in the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Never. I mean, so I didn't I don't even know my neighbors were. You know that I don't socialize like that. I I bought that house because it was the highest elevation. I didn't consider how many white people in the neighborhood. I didn't consider how many black people in the neighborhood. I really don't get I never really cared about that. So it wasn't so much I'm gonna move into a white neighborhood, I just was fixated on the problem.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

And not so much you, like mommy, you know, and we were only in those neighborhoods for like four years.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

She was she was different than me though.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

I don't know. No, she was different. Like where we lived with you, like at the when we were all together in Roswell, that was a relatively diverse neighborhood. Yeah, what? There were black doctors across the street, black doctors down the street.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Really? Yeah. No, they were in the neighborhood right up the street. Other than them, who else was black?

SPEAKER_03 30:16

There was enough black people, there was more black people in that neighborhood than there were in the neighborhood when you and mommy got divorced and she moved us to Suwannee.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Okay, well.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

We were the I think we were the only black people in that entire neighborhood. And honestly, I don't want to say that was a traumatic experience. It just wasn't the best, you know, because like our teachers were really mean to us, and um, they constantly isolated us and acted like we were dumb, but it's like we're not dumb, we're just lonely, you know. But but again, I only went to a predominantly white school between third and fifth grade. Once I got to sixth grade, I was back in black schools, thank God.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I can understand you feeling that with Grant's parents. I think that I don't know if I would have felt the same because I'm so arrogant as it relates to that. So I mean, no one's better than me, regardless of their color. And so I'm not, and I've never been influenced by wealth. I mean, I've been at the table of billionaires, and it's no big deal to me. And so I never, oh man, look at, you know, look at where I am. I'm in these places because I expect to be in those places. So I never really felt that pressure. And because I've never dated anyone white, you know, I don't, I don't have that same experience. All my serious relationships, serious relationships are all black. You know, and part of that, it wasn't, I don't know if it was my choice, maybe because I was indoctrinated by my grandmother and mother, you know, especially my grandmother, you know, who who was one generation removed from slavery.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

That's crazy. So she did she not experience slavery at all?

SPEAKER_01 32:01

No, she's you know, one full generation removed from slavery. She never lived a hundred and what? 104. But so she lived uh, you know.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

So her mom was a slave?

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Yeah, her mom was a slave. And she and so she's part black and part native Indian. But so her whole at and her whole attitude was you're not gonna do nothing with the white man.

unknown 32:24

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

And it was coalesced because her husband got sick. He was in post-I'll tell you that story.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Yeah. Tell it again.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Yeah, her husband was your your grandfather's. My mother's my grandfather, yeah. My mother's father got sick. And we were in Grady, Arkansas at the time, and they took him to the Grady Hospital, which is all white, they wouldn't treat him. So you have to drive, just told me, well, the only black hospital that will see him is in Little Rock, Arkansas. And so they loaded him up. My grandmother loaded him up in the car, and it was a four and a half hour drive from Grady to Little Rock in the snow, which made it terrible. And he died in route. And I think that just made her, you know, hate white people all the more. And so she made it very plain to me, you know, you better not bring anybody lighter than me. That's what she said. She's a little lighter than me. So basically, don't bring anybody, and I didn't. So, yeah, but the other side of that, I've only I'm only attracted to black women.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

Did you ever feel a type of way about me dating a white guy? Um based on that experience, based on the you know, racialized experiences that you might have had growing up, was it difficult to have your daughter date a white man later?

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Not really. I think the only prerequisite condition that I had was that you chose him because you had options as opposed to being with him out of necessity or out of, you know, it's the best I can do. And I always felt that you chose him as opposed to him doing you a favor and choosing you because you can't get nobody else. And you because to me that reflected your self-confidence in yourself, that you can get any man, black, white, or other, but you chose him. And that's a big difference as I've seen other relationships. Well, that's the best I can do. A lot of those comments are saying that, well, that's the best you can do. And I know different. You had multiple, endless choices, and you made the right choice for your emotional security. And that says a lot. So all those comments you they mean nothing. Because they're based, they're based on first of all, lack of intellect, lack of not being able to see beyond their own insecurities.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Right.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

And a person who's wise, that's the first thing they do. If I'm making an opinion, is this my opinion based on insecurities, or is it my opinion based on an objective analysis?

SPEAKER_04 35:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

And so, yeah, and then if they were, they would have seen that, see, they're there are cues that that you have that that you've exhibited that shows that you're that you have options. And they just feel that you ain't got options because you were a white man, but you're entrepreneurial, you're doing all these things, and they don't see beyond that. So that's on them. It's not on you.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Do you think that Grant was nervous to meet you?

SPEAKER_01 36:01

If I was him, I would have been.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

I'm an intimidating guy.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

You know, it's not so much, you know, when I say intimidating, I'm not trying to come off like, you know, but I think that I do present extremely smart. And I think I definitely present analytical. I don't, I listen more than I talk. And I think that, yeah, I would be nervous to have to have met me.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Yeah. So I've been around, you know, the street life, I've been exposed. So my level of discern discernment is greater than most. So yeah, he should have been. I don't know if he was, but he should have been.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

Were you nervous to meet my dad because you were white?

SPEAKER_02 36:48

I don't think because I was white, but I think it was just kind of meeting, you know, your girlfriend's dad. That's like a always a big deal, you know. There's a lot of like nervous energy and worry of like, is he gonna like me or accept me? You know?

SPEAKER_03 37:02

Do you feel accepted?

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Yeah, definitely. Your parents have always been very welcoming. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

But yeah, that's you know, my my experience dating a white guy has has been filled with a lot, filled with ups and downs, filled with a lot of insecurity, filled with a lot of insecurity because I was worried about my perception and if people thought I wouldn't be happy with being black, or if um not dating somebody black meant that I was unhappy with myself as a black woman, which just isn't the case. And I'm not gonna lie, like before I dated a white guy, I really thought, I thought that too. I thought that you couldn't be pro-black and date a white person. And so that was also definitely hard for me to kind of like reconcile. But um, as it pertains to the comments and stuff like that, it's something that I try to just brush off. But what used to be very harmful for me was what people thought me dating a white guy said about me, and that took me some time to like unlearn.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Well, I think that you know I don't know. I think that it shouldn't be a matter of brushing stuff off. You have to believe and be convinced in your self-worth, in your decision-making prowess. And you cannot, not in this game, you cannot let any negative opinion make you question for a nanosecond who you are. And you know, so no matter what these comments are, you and I and and when you express that to me, I I go back to my failures as a father. That you know, if I'd have done a better job of being a father, I would have given you enough confidence that these things don't matter to you. They're just they're just vapid opinions from people who pretty much are stuck in a void that are stuck in them not thinking themselves man enough to handle a black woman. So if those things bothered you, it goes back to my saying, damn, I didn't do a good enough job. But I'm telling you now, you know, you gotta get out of that. You cannot let one you cannot let a thousand, you can't let a million, you can't let one of those negative comments make you challenge or question who you are. No, and where I've and whereas I might have failed way back then, I'm telling you now. You can't do that. You can't do that. You're a beautiful, strong black woman, and you are stereotypically what I've always be viewed and what strong men, regardless of the color, view view a strong black woman to be. And that's what you hold on to. You don't question yourself, man. You can't let these fools you can't let these fools, they are fools to question who you are. Because once they see that level of vulnerability, like sharks in the water, they compound and they will rip a shred you and they find pleasure in that because they have nothing else to do in their lives. So you can't do that. You know, you and Gran have a very good relationship, and that's what you hold on to regardless of his color. But I'm telling you now, ma'am, you can't let these guys tell you who you are, but only you can tell you who you are. That's important. Hold your head up high, be proud, man. You are the product of hundreds of years of black women that have changed the world. And part of what makes them strong is their fearless relentlessness, relentlessness. And that's what makes you strong. Bank on, you look at these comments only as that comment and you say it's their opinion. But man, never let that bother you. That's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

Thanks, Dad. It's definitely been a process. Um, and I had to force myself to stop going back and forth with them in the comments because now I'm like, oh my God, I'm teaching the algorithm that these are the interactions I want to have with these gutter goblins, and I want them away from me. So from now on, if you're trying to be mean to me in the comments, just know it's not working. I don't care that you're mean to me. But I really want to be mean back to you. But I'm not because I'm growing. Hello. And my relationship advice for this episode would just be if you're gonna date interracially, make sure that you vet your partner. You do not want to be with somebody that's with you because you're like a spicy Latina or a thick black girl or a whatever, right? You don't want somebody to date you because they have a fantasy with your stereotype. So it's very important to get with the type of partner who is dating you for you, but also admires your ethnic and cultural background and will uplift that rather than tokenize you for that. That is my brief but succinct relationship advice for you. Dad, do you want to leave? All right. Well, we've gone back to back with episodes. We got we hope that you guys enjoyed this one as well. Go ahead and like, comment, subscribe. If you have been in an interracial relationship, please let us know in the comments what that experience has been like for you. And for everybody out there that's like, I bet she doesn't have a dad. Boom, there's the proof. There he is. He's here in the flesh. Grant's back there. He's the man. Anyway, love who loves you, date who wants to date you uh and be yourself. You're a baddie. Everybody's a baddie. But this advice for interracial stuff goes for men and women. Don't be with, don't be with somebody that's gonna tokenize you and flaunt you around because you're the different thing. Um, anyway, besties, like, comment, subscribe, like we said. Our dating show is on the way. If you do want to find love and you want us to help you find love, feel free to go ahead and send in an application. The link will be in the description of this video. We love you, besties. Bye.